Time to Walk Away…

Turning your back on someone isn’t an easy thing to do, but sometimes a necessary thing to do. I had to make that decision about someone last night. I love this person dearly, but I can’t handle watching this person continuously make the same stupid mistakes over and over again, on purpose. So I figured, it would be in the best interest of everyone involved if I just kept my distance.

No, this wasn’t an easy decision, but a necessary one, necessary for both of our spiritual growth and development. When you truly love someone, you do whatever you can to provide positive support. In this situation, the support was beginning to have a negative effect on me. Statistically, I have more years behind me than in front of me so I need to eliminate all unnecessary stress.

I’m not the perfect woman, never claimed to be, but I’ve made enough stupid mistakes and made enough idiotic decisions to know when someone else is getting ready to repeat history. So for this person to think I’m jealous of their life verses concern for their welfare, means I need to back off and let school begin for them. The best lessons learned are the taught lessons. I’ve had a lot of taught lessons; so many that I would just rather submit to God’s will and be obedient. Those spiritual spankings are not worth it anymore; they definitely hurt and leave lasting memories.

But who knows, maybe me making the decision to distance myself from this person is what God needed me to do so that He can get their full attention. And if that’s what it takes to get this person on the right track and to realize, He is not going to be mocked, then so be it.

A friend of mine told me last night while I was venting, that remember Christ has already paid the price so you don’t have to. And she’s right; I don’t have to continuously hit my head against brick walls, just march around them like they did the city of Jericho. Come day seven, whenever that maybe, I’ll just shout and watch the walls fall.

If I Wasn’t Married, You Would Be My Girlfriend

If I wasn’t married you would be my girlfriend, that’s what he said to me. Then as I was exiting the door, he whispered in my ear, you are my girlfriend. All I wanted to do was watch the Super Bowl, the only time I pay full attention to football, besides the playoffs. What I think he really wanted to say is, I wish my wife would have come. At the watch party I attended, the men did all the cooking and all the serving. The women were told to sit back and relax. So when this guy kept offering to bring me things, I thought nothing of it; that was until the game was over. That’s when he said it; if I wasn’t married you would be my girlfriend.

Did he have that much disrespect for me and his wife that he felt comfortable enough to make the comment? Then to claim me as his girlfriend was an even greater insult, I’m too old to be any man’s girlfriend. I don’t want that title, unless I’m my husband’s girlfriend for the moment.

His comment got me to thinking that lately I have been attracting a lot of married men. Does something about me cast off the image of mistress? I hope not because I made that mistake once years ago and promised God if He got me out of the situation, I would never ever do it again. That is unless I’m acting as my husband’s mistress.

So wives be forewarned, not all women will react the way I did. Even if you don’t like football or other sports, fake it. I gained my interest in football because I wanted to hang out with my big brother. Husbands and wives, in my opinion, need to be the best hang out buddies. Men are visual and are easily distracted by the slightest movement of a woman, so be that slightest movement as much as possible. I’m not saying attend every sporting event, just as many as possible because there are women that don’t mind being the “sport fish”, I’m just not one of them.

The Emptynest and Weight Loss

So I decided in November I needed to trim it down a little. I hadn’t workout consistently since I had my foot surgery last June. So the pounds crept on and the muscle tone slowly disappeared. I know people think I don’t need to lose weight, but I’ve had this body all my life so I know when things are getting out of control. Plus it didn’t help when my younger sister called me pudgy.

Me and two of my co-workers decided to do a fitness challenge. The idea lasted about a week. So we decided to just encourage one another. My cousin Kelly, the personal fitness trainer (http://www.anewyouinside.com/), gave me lots of encouragement and pointed out areas to work on. My sister Crystal gave me tips on what she did to lose weight and tone.

December 1, I began my workout routine. I started getting up at 4 a.m. to do my workouts. That lasted until a week ago; now I workout in the evenings. As soon as I walk in the door, I head straight for my workout draw. By the way, I need some new workout clothes. The ones I have are from when I was 160 lbs and knocking at size 14 door. I’m a lot smaller now; size 8 and some size 6, and my last official weight in had me at 148.9 lbs. I’m only 5’4-1/2”; I just look tall because I have long legs.

Anyway, I started from the beginning with Beach Body’s Turbo Jam and Zumba. When I first learned Zumba, NeNe was here on winter break and she was so tickled at me trying to learn the moves. I cannot get my hips to move that way, yet. I’m glad my hair is natural because when I get done working out, I’m dripping wet. After my workouts, I take a nice hot bath and drink a tall cup of ice water. AHHHH! Since I started working out again, I’ve notice my size 8 pants are not as tight as before. The size 6 pants are still a little snug. Payton has joined her sister as my workout buddy. Yes, they get in the way, but it means so much to them. Granny’s girl and Granny’s baby are learning about fitness early.

On January 16, I started limiting my calorie intake. I joined http://caloriecount.about.com/ to keep track of my calories. That damn website said I was overweight for my height and age. HUH? It suggested I drop down to 128 lbs; I suggested not. I’m sure if I get these fibroids removed, that will take a good 5-7 lbs off.

Monitoring my calorie intake is very challenging. So far I have went over the limit 4 times. Actually paying attention to what I eat and how much I eat is kind of eye opening. I never knew how much sodium is in packaged food until I started reading labels. I see why so many people have high blood pressure. Looks like I will be going back to cooking from scratch.

If I follow my current schedule and stick to my plan, I should be at my goal weight by May 25; in time for my 30^th class reunion.

Ending of 2010

Ending of 2010

The end of 2010 is approaching and I’ve taken time to reflect upon my year. Let’s see, I entered the year preparing for my daughter’s high school graduation and my college graduation. Her high school graduation caused me to cry several times out of praise to God for getting us to that point of her life. Receiving my first degree caused me tears because I didn’t complete it before my Dad’s death and before my Mom became too ill to really travel comfortably. But I got it, with my Dad’s last name on it, something he wanted.

Then I had foot surgery to remove a bunion that had been bothering me for years. It was an interesting experience because it reversed the parent/child role for a moment; my daughters became my primary caregivers. My granddaughters even tried to help. Skye always made sure I wasn’t hurting and Payton kept trying to take the boot and crutches away.

NeNe went away to college in Virginia. I know she was scared to attend college so far away, but I was very proud of her for taking the challenge. To make her journey to Virginia fun, at every state line we crossed, we stopped at the welcome centers and took pictures. Our funniest stop was in Georgia. It was dark and all the bugs were making noise, the state marker was placed way off from the parking lot. I had to run through the grass begging God not to let anything crawl on me or grab me. I had the itches for a couple of hours.

Gee has made it through an entire year without having to move back home. She came back temporarily when I had my foot surgery and when my car broke down. I have to step back and allow her to experience life’s ups and downs. It’s not easy watching my child bump her head, but the best lessons are the taught lessons. I really don’t want to see her make some of the same stupid mistakes I made, so I continually pray for her life. I’m more of a hindrance to her and I can accept that. The parents I know want their children to have more than what they had in life, me included.

With my new found emptynest, I started to focus on me. I enrolled in college full-time. I knew it would be a challenge because I have been attending part-time for several years. I forgot to take into account, I work full-time. Duh, Lenora, but I took the challenge anyway. I hit a road block with the sudden death of my big brother. It took a moment to get my focus back, but with determination I did. I didn’t do as well as I wanted, my grades were lower than I planned them to be. One class I’ll have to repeat, such is life and I’m not quitting.

My social life isn’t what I really wanted it to be, but I made that determination. Can’t socialize if you don’t leave the house. So I’m making an effort to get out of the house more often during my four weeks break from school. But first I need to get my sleep on, my body is tired. Plus, I love my home and having it all to myself. I’m going to venture outside of the walls, I promise myself.

I’m excited about entering into 2011; I have set some goals to achieve. They’re not resolutions; they will be some lifestyle changes. Things that have been pointed out to me during my mediation time with the Lord. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m tired of repenting and the spiritual spankings. I learned today, while listening to a message by Bishop Benjamin Gibert, I need to determine the things in my life that are wants or needs for me. God said He will supply all of my needs; my wants are favor I would like from Him.

I’ve decided to do something different on New Year’s Eve; I’m going out to a party. That right there might be a blog post in itself.

I Am So In Love...

I am so in love with Lenora (No Middle Name) Hearst. I have known her all of her life. I love the way her hair feels, soft as silk, whether it’s straight or kinky. I love her penetrating eyes that seem to be able see reality. I love her soft full lips, so gentle to the touch. I love the way you can feel the warmth of her heart by the touch of my hands. I love the two Cesarean scares on her stomach, which through them she brought life into the world. I love her legs, long as they may be, for such a short woman. I love her feet, they may seem big for such a petite woman, but those feet have carried her to many places and away from a lot of forbidden territory.

When did I begin falling in love with her, I’m not sure of the time or date. But I remember some moments in her life that caught my attention and caused me to start taking notice. The birth of her first child, she had to make an extremely tough decision within seconds on February 16, 1985. She had to decide on her life or that of her baby, but it had to be now because both of them maybe dying. She chose the life of her child. Even though someone said you can have another baby, she wanted this one. I think she might have remembered God’s promise during her entire pregnancy; He had some plans for this child.

In August 1990, when she realized she was pregnant and at the same time, realized, she would be doing this journey alone. She couldn’t understand why she lost the baby from the man she truly loved, but she knew God gave her this gift of life for a reason. She still appreciates not listening to the naysayers that kept insisting she have an abortion. All these years later, she can laugh at the naysayers because they have yet to realize that her daughter’s name means “Most Gracious Gift from God”.

In August 1997, she left an abusive marriage, the nightmare she calls it. It wasn’t how the nightmare treated her, but when she felt he might be abusing her daughters, it caused her to leave. She chose the safety of her daughters to seek her freedom. Yes, she was talked about for marrying the nightmare so quickly, but only a few took notice that something had to be going on for her to leave. She has it thrown up in face all these years later, but through that nightmare marriage, she gained another connection to God. She learned how much true control over her life He has.

In 2006, God told her He was going to take her through several storms. Those storms taught her many things; developed a strength in her that has caused me to love her so much more. The choices she had to make, the right decisions she made. Imagine how she left during that year, the tax bill on her home caused her mortgage to double, she lost her job, had to give her car back, her first grandchild was about to be born, her home flooded, every utility in her house had been shut off, her bank accounts were either empty or closed, her relationship came to an end, and people she had helped, turned their backs on her. Watching her go through these storms helped me to gain a better understanding of who this woman really is. She never gave up, she hung in there. She cried herself to sleep and got up the next morning with determination to succeed.

In June 2010, her heart became elated, she had accomplished what several people thought would not happen. She graduated with her Associates degree and her younger daughter graduated from high school. She yet again proved the naysayers wrong; both her daughters graduated high school without babies. Why would people want her family to fail still puzzles her, but doesn’t hinder her.

She decided to wait until her daughter left for college to start a serious relationship, but each day she chooses to spend time with me. She doesn’t allow just anyone to come near us. Yeah, she had some romantic interest, but were they really worthy of her love, her mind, her body. Although the news media says women her age will not get married, she chooses to believe what God has said, He knows all.

No Lenora (No Middle Name) Hearst is not perfect, but she’s perfect for me. I love her so much. It tickles me how she has embraced being an emptynester. She’s gone back to school full-time to obtain another degree, for her. She does things like that, she can now. She sacrificed 25 years of her life for her daughters, now it’s her turn. She is truly happy. Like this weekend, she jumped in her car and drove to Omaha to visit her mother and hangout with her friends. She sang to me all the way; no she cannot carry a tune, but the songs came from her heart and that’s what matters. I think she kind of got emotional singing MJB’s I Can See Colors, it described her.

I’m so in love with this woman and if she chooses to open her heart to another man, he would be a fool to let her get away. I’m glad I didn’t sleep on her, I’m glad I took the time to get to know her and appreciate the woman she has become. I love her and I will be letting her know how much I love her each and every second. I won’t waste my time on what others think about her, because they don’t know her, I do. Insight or out of sight, I love me some Lenora (No Middle Name) Hearst, she’s my baby, my girl, my woman.