I've Already Paid the Price So You Don't Have Too (An Open Love Letter to My Daughters)

This is my open love letter to my daughters, Ge’Von Holloway and Zaneta Hearst, and a re-assurance for my granddaughters, Skye and Payton and any future grandchildren. So when you question if I love you, remember what is written here, and always know, I love you more than you love yourself. Just as Christ has paid the price for our salvation, I too have paid a price for your life. I have the two scars to prove it and I shed my blood for your life.

I have made good choices and bad choices in life. I have experienced pleasure and pain in life. I have made mild mistakes and major mistakes. So when you think I’m being too controlling, know that I’m being overprotective. Will I ever get to the point in my life where I’m not overprotective, yes I will. It will be the day that my heart stops beating permanently. You two are the best gifts; I would be foolish to not want greatness for you.

If I don’t like someone you are dating it’s because I know you deserve better and/or I've seen that spirit before. I will forever want my daughters to have the best man God has created for them. As I look over my life, I have made some bad choices in some of the men I have dated. One of the things I learned from dad was how to walk away from a relationship. Some I should have walked away sooner than later. You don’t have to be someone’s chick on the side, I played that role and it never amounts to anything but a broken heart. Pre-marital sex does not guarantee a successful relationship; I’ve tried that before also. Trust me when I say save it for your husband. I’ve even stayed in a bad relationship to prove my mother wrong. All I got out of it was a beautiful daughter. Yes, that’s you Ge’Von.

I have sacrificed a lot so that you can have a better life. Being a single parent is not an easy job, but motherhood is a very rewarding career. So if you think I’m too judgmental of you, know that is not the case. I know each of your abilities and will not allow you settle for what is beneath you. You both are very talented and intelligent young women. Use your intelligence for greatness, but not so you can fit in with the wrong crowd. What’s the wrong crowd? People that don’t want anything out of life, but what they can use other people for. People that think they know what’s better for you than I do.

You know how to succeed financially; you both learned how to count money at an early age. So your financial struggles should be minimal or non-existent. Remember your mother is the women that worked three jobs to keep us afloat. I planted the seed so you two would always have a roof over your head. You two are the reason I never lost our home during the foreclosure crisis.

Ge’Von you choose not to attend college, but you have been successful at every job you have had. If you ever decide to go after your degree (something I’ve prayed for), you will be even more successful. Zaneta you are in college now and will be a success during and after graduation. Encourage and reinforce Skye and Payton’s educational achievements and any of your future children. Ge’Von you have excellent oratorical and writing skills, pass that on to your children. Zaneta you have a technical mind, share your knowledge with your future children.

You may not like some of the decisions I’ve made, but know I have your best interest at heart. Sometimes God uses me as His rod of correction. You may not see it now, but you will definitely see it later. I have fasted and prayed and prayed and fasted for your successes in life, that’s why I say things when you get off course. If I didn’t love you, I would be like some parents that cut their children off when they turn 18. I will not carry you financially, but I will assist you when I know you are doing your best.

I don’t show favoritism between you two nor do I love one more than the other. You both have been afforded the same opportunities. I have encouraged your love and bond between each other because I do not have a bond with my sisters. Your love for each other has broken the curse that has been on our family for too many generations. Look at Skye and Payton’s relationship, also proof generational curses can be broken. You both are further along in your spiritual walk than I was at your ages. I see your lights when I look at you. I pray you two will go back to worshiping through praise dancing; you have such a great anointing that flows from you.

So my daughters as you reflect on our lives together, the good times, the bad times, the successes, and the failures, remember you don’t have to walk the path I did or experience some of the things I have, I’ve already paid the price so you don’t have too. So any bad examples I have lead is a teaching lesson for you not to follow. Allow my mistakes to be your stepping stones to success. Continue to be the lineage that breaks the generational curses on our family. You are already off to a great start by being two loving sisters and I will continue to fast and pray and pray and fast for you both.

I love you much more than you will ever know,

Your Mother