HiThis post is not for anyone to feel sorry for me, this is just what is on my mine and what I'm currently going through.
I had my normal yearly rape session, pap smear and pelvic exam, last year in October (2013). After the exam my doctor said she didn't like the way things felt. So she requested an ultrasound to check on those fibroids. Me being who I am, didn't put too much into it because fibroids have been invading my body since I was about 38. I delayed getting the ultrasound until April 2014. In the mean time I noticed that my abdomen was increasing and the area was getting harder. I jokingly blame it on my guy for making me too happy.
After the ultrasound, my doctor called me in for a consultation. The ultrasound tech was unable to locate one of my ovaries, the other ovary she couldn't tell if it was the ovary or a fibroid, my uterus was enlarged, the largest fibroid had shrunk to 4.9 cm, but an additional one had grown. In her medical opinion, she suggested I get a hysterectomy to remove my uterus because an enlarge uterus is a sign of uterine cancer. So I asked if there is a test we could do to be more positive because I preferred not to have any surgery. She gave me a look and scheduled me for a CA125 blood test. After the blood test I start my campaign of "today is the best day of my life".
Again, I didn't make a big deal about getting the blood test, but I eventually did. The results would be ready in 3 days. In the meantime, one of my sisters became really worried about me, to the point she started stressing me. On day 3, I called for the results, my doctor wanted to do a biopsy right away. I became a little concerned because my doctor isn't into doing a lot of unnecessary testing. I delayed the biopsy because I didn't want anything to interfere with our Grandparents Weekend with the Grands.
July 3, I arrived for the biopsy. Instead of her usual how's everything, she went right to it. The blood test came back worst than expected. It shouldn't have been over 21, yours was 481, way too high for your age. Which means you need to have a hysterectomy as soon as possible, but you need your ovaries and uterus removed. I just looked at her and said I don't want to have any surgery. She kind of raised her voice and said why not. Then she went into my family history of breast and ovarian cancer and said everything is pointing to you having cancer or you are developing cancer. I just looked at her. We went back and forth some more.
Finally, she proceeded with the biospy. Talk about pain. The first time she went in, she pulled out what she thought was fibroid tissue, so she had to repeat it. It felt like I was being bit and my skin was being ripped off. Two chunks of tissue and I was in pain. Then she stood up and said you need a wake up call, walked out the room and came back and handed me a business card. She said, you need to call this doctor and get in immediately, you no longer have time to watch and wait, this is about your life and walked away. Didn't say goodbye, see you later, kiss my butt. Then the nurse came in and asked me to please consider taking the Brach gene test, I said no and walked out.
While sitting in the waiting room I got my wake up call. I looked at the business card and it said Oncologist. My body maybe or has already been invaded with cancer. The tears began to flow. I called my best friend and told her what happened and asked her to find out what does the 481 really mean. I could tell from her voice it wasn't good. She said Nora get an appointment today if you can. Something I didn't want to hear. I made it to my car before I completely broke down crying. All I could think about is I didn't want to do anything to disrupt my daughter's wedding plans. I texted my guy to let him know, he was going to be hurt.
I was crying so hard the parking attendant paid my parking fee. I called my younger sister because I knew she would say something to make me laugh and she did. She said, why do you want to hold onto body parts that are trying to kill you, you don't need them anymore. I started making up excuses then she said you're acting like your daddy. That hurt but she was right. When he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, he initially refused treatment. When he did decide on treatment, cancer had spread throughout his entire body. I didn't want to put my daughters through that. More tears.
I had to pull myself together before I called my daughters. They are not going to take this too well. I was right, Gee started crying. NeNe on the other hand surprised me and went into protection mode. She told her big sister to stop crying because nothing is definite yet. Then she said you taught me God has the final say on everything, unless you were lying. She was right. Prior to this day, I talked to the Lord and told Him, I don't have a good feeling about this. He said don't focus on it, just know you don't have to give up running.
I can't talk to my guy right now, I don't know what to say. Yes, I know it's not fair to him. He's just doing what he does best, being my warrior king.
July 4, I forced myself out of bed and went running with my Sole Sisters. As I was running, I asked God for His help to give me the strength and the ability to fight for my life. No I don't want surgery, but I don't want to die before I reach 90 years of age. Yes, I'm heart broken that this is my journey at this moment. Also, I believe that sometimes we as God's creations are used to gain others' attention. So if God is using me to get your attention, please open your eyes to Him and pay attention.
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