One Year Later, It's Still Fresh In My Mind: The Passing of My Mother

July 30, 2022, at 5:30am CT, my mother took her last breath. I was holding her hand, while praying her into HIS presence. I don't remember the nurse's name that was there to document the time of death. What I do remember about that day, is the sound of my mother struggling to breathe. I probably would have slept through it, if it wasn't for Bentley. He started his watch over my mother Thursday. 

My mother told me and Ge'Von that she would be leaving after she saw her sisters. My mother was losing her ability to talk, so anytime she said something, meant something. Both my aunts arrived and left. Both knew it would be their last time seeing their sister on this side of Heaven. I stopped sleeping and only took brief naps. On Sunday, July 24th, my mother called me by my name, she usually called me Barbara. She said, "I want to thank you for doing a good job of taking care of me. Yall did a better job than I thought yall would. I'm getting ready to leave, but I just want to thank you". I asked her where she was going, she replied He's coming to take me home. I asked, who God, she said yes, with a huge smile on her face. I told her to enjoy her trip, I'll miss you, but I'm extremely happy for you. She stopped talking, and didn't talk anymore. 

The new hospice nurse, Rosalind, visited on Wednesday, July 27th, and gave me a book about death. I only wish I had received this book months ago. I would have been better prepared for the death experience. Thursday, July 28th, Rosalind visited again, and so did the podiatrist. My mother's legs and feet started dying first. The podiatrist thanked me for not putting my mother in a nursing home. During Rosalind's visit, she informed me death was imminent in 5 days. I notified my sisters. Friday, July 29th, the respiratory therapist visited. He said if anyone has something to say or wants to see your mom, they needed to do it today. 

When Rosalind got ready to leave, she stopped and told me to go to sleep. I told I couldn't because I didn't want to wake up and find my mother dead. Rosalind said go to sleep, what's happening now is between God and your mother. If they want you there, you'll get an invitation. 

My invitation came after 4something am. Bentley woke me up. I can still hear that breathing noise, it was horrible. I called the hospice center, the nurse gave me instructions and assured me she would be there within 15 minutes, she arrived sooner. I called Ge'Von, then all my sisters. They in turn called their children. Phyllis and Cynthia called each aunt. My aunts prayed and spoke their finally words. 

I can remember hearing Ge'Von on FaceTime with Zaneta, who was in Puerto Rico at the time. I remember Cynthia and Marilyn talking soothing words to our mother. When the tears started rolling from my mother eyes, I held her hand and prayed her into God's presence. The song, "There's A Leak In This Old Building", was playing in the background. When the song stopped, so did my mother's breathing. I'm not sure who hollered the loudest, me or Ge'Von or Zaneta. I couldn't console my daughters, but my friends that arrived could. I went outside and cried to the stars. 

My mother's pain and suffering was over. She was finally at peace. She was at her Heavenly party with everyone that preceded her in death. She told me about the party months ago.

Before Evergreen removed my mother's body, I gave her a final kiss and hug. She looked sad to be leaving us. I saw my mother again before shipping her body back to Omaha. She looked so refreshed and happy. She had a slight smile on her face. The last and final time I saw my mother, the day of her funeral, she looked as if she was laughing. That look gave me so much peace. I knew I would one day be able to cope without her physical presence. I'm not there yet, but I'm handling life without my mother way better than I expected. 

I've completed a full year without her physical presence. I still wonder if I had went with my first thought in April 2020, and moved my mother into my home then, instead of later, her quality of life would have been totally different and so much better. That will always be my one regret, I should have never moved her into Immanuel Courtyard. 

I've learned that others have regrets too, but blame me for their decisions. If it helps them cope with those decisions, then keep blaming me. God knows the truth. 

If you or someone you know has a family member, experience any of the horrible mind disease, tell the to join Purple Sherpa Basecamp on Facebook.

My First Mother's Day without Mrs. Hearst - May 14, 2023

It took me a couple of years to handle Father's Day, without an emotional breakdown. 

Here's to my first Mother's Day weekend without Mrs. Hearst. 

Another thing I realized, as I'm learning to journey through life without both my parents. My Daddy's death was different, I had my Mother. Now that both are gone, this journey is absolutely hard. 

No catch phrase will eliminate this hurt. I still have outbursts of tears. I still have days where I stay in bed. I can still hear the sounds she made as she stopped breathing. I can still see the 3 faces of death. I keep trying to delete the video as they removed her body from the house. That Ring camera caught every single moment. 

I'm happy for everyone that still have their mothers, whether your relationship is good or bad. I admire those that are able to post about their deceased mother. 

Now I understand why Mrs. Hearst cried every Mother's Day after Grandma Gussie passed. She said one day I would understand. Trust I understand. 

Missing My Mom

My Mom's transition from my presence into the Lord's presence, has been very difficult for me. Although I'm happy for her entrance into HIS presence, I'm heartbroken for the loss of her presence in my life. For 59 years, 7 months, she was the constant in my life. That constant has been disrupted.

I'm happy that her battle with dementia, Alzheimer's, diabetes and a-fib are over. She was so ready to attend her Heavenly party. She even teased me about it. And from the look on her face, as her shell laid in the coffin, she is having a blast. I have to admit, a little jealousy crept in when I saw the laughter on her face. 

As I navigate the first 365 days without my Mom, some moments are great, some not so great, some extremely difficult and unbearable. Today, March 5, 2023, was extremely difficult and unbearable. It was difficult for me because I can no longer celebrate another year of life with my Mom. So, I'm not really looking forward to March 6, her actually date of birth. 

It's difficult to attend church, I fought back the tears. Seeing the elderly mothers entering, I remember how my Mom attended church until she could no longer drive herself to church. Right now, I only attend in person on the first Sunday, New Members Right Hand of Fellowship. I'm a member of the New Members Ministry. 

I attempted to start a tradition of family bowling to honor my Mom's date of birth, it wasn't successful. I won't make that mistake next year. I left the bowling alley in tears, couldn't get out of the building fast enough. Thank goodness my friend/neighbor was woke, she provided triple shots of wine. Yes, that's a thing.

The pain and emptiness I feel, is so much more different than when I loss my Dad. I'm not sure why, but it's different. Could it be I was holding my Mom's hand as she entered into HIS presence? Could it be the sound of her struggling to breathe? Could it be the habits I developed in that one year? I'm not sure. I just know some days it is extremely unbearable.

I can still hear the sound of life exiting her body. I still see the tears rolling down her face. I remember the 3 different looks of death. My Mom's mouth was open when she died at 5:30 am, Saturday, July 30, 2022. Tuesday, August 2, my Mom looked as if she was saying "I finally get to sleep". The final look, as her frozen shell, laid in that coffin, it was a look of laughter. What caused the laughter? Maybe, the same thing that caused her to smile, as she told me about the big celebration her Mom, my Grandma, told her, they would have when she arrived. Those looks were between her and God.

My next first, a trip back to Omaha. It's going to be strange. 

The Acceptance Stage of Grief

I'm in this stage of my grief - acceptance. Because I took time to enjoy my mother while she was alive. Yes, I hated the disease of dementia, but I loved the woman that was captured by it. I embraced the moments when she remembered something and felt the pain when she didn't. 

I'm glad I honored her wish of not sending her to die in the hospice care facility. That was my plan, but she asked me not to allow her to die alone. Sunday, July 24th, my mom told me she would be leaving soon. She told me I did a really good job of taking care of her. I thought I didn't. Her remembering me at that moment meant the world to me. 

Sharing her last moments was hard, but healing at the same time. I wasn't selfish by asking her to stay. I saluted her and thanked the Lord for allowing her to be my mom. Yes, I miss her deeply, but I am extremely happy for her. Mrs. Hearst's soul and spirit returned to Lord. No matter what happens going forward, I take comfort in knowing she's in HIS presence. 

The acceptance stage of grief

Death of a loved one: “I am so fortunate to have had so many wonderful years with her, and she will always be in my memories.”

Hello 2018

I entered the New Year in a different way. I attended my cousin's house party. Usually after church I go home and allow the TV to put me to sleep. But this year, I want to do things a little different.

This year I will be challenging myself physically. I'm planning to participate in my first ultra marathon, 50K or 31.1 miles. The next week the Little Rock Marathon. I've been trying to do this event since 2013. Next, 3 states in one week, Bear Lake Trifecta. After that, back to back half marathons, 2 states in one weekend.

Some ask why. I ask why not. Everyone has a goal. Mine just happens to be running. My ultimate goal is to run a half marathon in all 50 states before or by my 60th birthday. I have 33 states to conquer.

My other goals, get back to my other hobbies and produce income from those hobbies. I like sewing and writing. I stop sewing when Ge'Von became involved in sports and other activities. Then Zaneta started in sports and activities. For me, it was more important to put my life on hold until they achieved legal age.

Well, guess what, both are grown women, handling their own. So now, I can get back to me, the things I like, stuff I want to do.

Traveling is another thing I enjoy. Exploring the earth and different cultures is amazing to me. I see through spiritual eyes, He created this? He really took the time to create this for me to see? How awesome is that?

I'm also ready for a committed relationship. One on one, no secondary person. Yeah, Lenora wants her own man. While purging some clutter, I found a note to the Lord of what I wanted in a man, expected in a relationship. As I read it, I realized the last relationships didn't have those qualities. I had accepted what was presented, not what I wanted. Not anymore, no more fake it until he comes.

Another thing I need to tackle, my home renovations. Every room in my house has a started and unfinished project. I have got to finish one of them. One thing I did manage, remove the majority of the carpet. Only 2 rooms to go.

Another plan for 2018, more savings and less debt. I've started on some short term savings, which can easily be converted into long term savings. I have less than 12 years until full retirement age and have no plans to work beyond those years.

So as 2018 starts, so will my life changes. I hope you enjoy watching.

It's Working for Me

Everyone has to find a solution to their own weight loss, body toning and/or total wellness goals. It Works products work for me. I wanted rapid weight loss and toning results, but I read that it wasn't a good idea if I wanted my results to last. So I decided for my 2016 New Year, New You goal, I would gradually lose the menopause weight and tone my entire body. My target date, November 30, 2016, the day before I board a plane to Negril, Jamaica.

I'm seeing the progress, I'm getting back into clothes I couldn't wear in 2015. The scale isn't moving but the inches are dropping. I pause a little longer in front of the mirrors now.

My products of choice:

Daily - Greens, It's Vital Core Nutrition, EstroRHYTHM and Hair Skin Nails

For workouts - ProFit, New You and It's Essential

My extras - Ultimate Body Applicator aka Body Wraps, Cleanse, Fat Fighters, Energy and Green Chews

I'm getting better and better with my diet, I still have food choices slip ups, but not like before. I'm getting better at preparing my own meals. I still like to drink alcoholic beverages, but I've limited myself to special occasions. My next special occasion will be my 54th birthday celebration in November and my trip to Negril in December.

If you're interested in starting your own weight loss, body toning and/or wellness journey the It Works way, contact me at 972-948-9816 or visit my website at www.noracanwrap.com. I'm not an expert, I just know what's working for me.

My One Year Journey With It Works

The July 2014 post surgery left me with what is called the swelly belly and in full menopause. After a complete hysterectomy, my abdominal area was still distorted from all the junk that had been going on with my female organs. Because of my family history for female cancers, my doctor recommended only using natural products. Getting back to exercising was a big struggle because my energy level was extremely low. Now add my love affair with food, cookies, chocolate, cakes and ice cream. The combination of all this, left me too heavy for running (for me) and too thick and wide for my clothes. Not a good feeling to pass by a mirror naked. Then one day, I received a Facebook invite to sample It Works products. I went, I was impressed by what I sampled and saw, so I joined to get the 40% discount on the wraps. And I figured a little extra income on the side wouldn't hurt. I started with using the wraps, Fat Fighters and Greens to help with the weight loss and energy. Over the course of my one year with It Works, I have tried several of the products. The weight began to fall off. Then my birthday month and the holidays hit, all the progress I gained was lost in those two months. Then another invite to join the 2016 New Year New You Challenge. We had to agree to using It's Vital Core Nutrition, Greens and the Body Wraps. My two biggest issues were eating and exercising. So my goal was to build up to working out regularly and start eliminating the crazy eating. The first quarter of 2016 has been a huge success! My clothes have wiggle room and the scale is dropping. I realize my way of trimming down isn't for everyone. As for me, I'm sticking to what is working for me. I can't wait to see my 2017 photo.

Diamond Mines in Development

This is part of my Team. Two of my other team members are away serving our country overseas, so I can't post their info, but they know who they are. We are growing strong. I'm learning about being a leader. We had the best time this past weekend. It started Friday night until Sunday afternoon. 3 days of self development. We all have very busy lives, we each are different personality color, but we are a perfect fit. We have fun together, especially when one of us does something silly. When I joined the It Works business and decided I want to actually have a team under me, I prayed about it. Then I started following other leaders, what they do, how they treat their entire team, reading articles, attending various training classes, etc. I've had people turn me down, ignore my messages, delete me, block me, talk about me and more. But that's okay, because when I asked God to grow me into a Black Diamond, I knew it would take time, patience and disappointment at times. I've had my feelings hurt a couple of times, but I keep pursuing my dream of complete financial freedom. I don't know all the answers, but I know how to do the research and ask questions. Remember the only stupid question is the one not asked. I would love everyone I know to get into the It Works business with me or use the products or both. Yet, I know it's not for everyone and that's okay. I asked HIM to send the right ones, the ones that have been praying for a change, the ones that want to make a difference in others lives, the ones that will trust HIM to believe I'm the right leader for them. So as I grow to Black Diamond, one changed person at a time, I thank HIM for all the no's, the not now's, maybe later, the deletes, the ignores, the canceled credit cards, because all that means to me, HE doesn't want those people to be a part of the blessings HE will be pouring into my life, and the lives of my team members. Watch us or join us, but please don't ever hate on us for pursuing our dreams and desires of complete financial freedom, and getting healthy along the way, because it works, it really does.

The Unexpected

Yesterday, December 31, 2015, something unexpected happened. My two year relationship came to an end. I was quite surprised, but not really, just surprised it happened yesterday the way it did.

I have dealt with a lot of things (a lot) from this man, but I hung in there, giving us my best. Even at my age, the disappointments I have lived through, I still believe the best about people. So when the tripped out comments started yesterday, I thought, I can't do this sugar honey iced tea anymore.

He set the rules for the relationship and I followed them. Only because when things went left, he would only be able to blame himself. So yesterday when I informed him of one of his rules I would be using, he played the victim. WTH!!! He's the victim after everything he has done??? I'm confused, it was his rules.

Anyway, I'm good. I have no regrets. I don't feel like I wasted my time, because this was something I wanted to try, to see if we could work. But we can't. I won't blame the distance, it was way more than that.

They say a woman will put up with a lot of BS for the man she loves, but something little and stupid will cause her to walk away and not look back, if she does, there's no regret. So....Lenora put up with a lot of broken promises, disrespect for my feelings, being taken for granted, and it was a stupid text about him being the pepperoni in my pizza, heck I don't eat pork, that made me finally say I'm done.

I'm An Entrepreneur... Again!

In an effort to find a way to get my shape back after fibroids and endomitosis distorted it, and surgery left me swollen, I attended an It Works Wrap Party. The presentation of a the fabulous products was wonderful. So I joined as a Distributor, just to get the discount on the wraps and make a couple of hundred dollars. That soon changed as I slowly saw my body transforming back to normal for me.

So I started trying more products. The Greens, Fat Fighters, ProFit, Green Chews and It's Essential Energy Weight Loss Bars helped get me back on track to working out and running again. My energy has been so low since my surgery, I was drinking so much coffee and eating other junk to stay awake at work. But with drinking Greens daily, my energy level started increasing. Recovery time from running and my gym workouts started improving.

As people became interested in the It Works products, I became a product of the products. My hair wasn't growing, I started taking Hair Skin Nails. Then I ordered the entire line of the facial products. The dark circles under my eyes are fading. My guy friend said he didn't know who was putting that glow on my face, but he wishes it was him. My nails are growing too, but since I've never really been a finger nails chick, I keep breaking them.

I use the ENERGY drinks as my road trip drink to replace the mountain dew I used to drink.

To help get my body ready for my upcoming marathon in March 2016, I started the Fab Four Challenge. The Fab Four is ThermoFit, Fat Fighters, Greens and the Wraps. I take 2 ThermoFit at breakfast and one at lunch. I drink Greens one to two times per day. I use the Fat Fighters for those days I blow it by not maintaining an 90% healthy diet. I wrap every third or fourth day. I'll be done with the challenge the end of November.

Next I'll focus on muscle development by taking New You. New You serves a dual purpose, muscle development and a good night of sleep. Menopause has robbed me of my sleep. Some nights I fall asleep in my clothes with all the lights on. Other nights, I could go 24 hours with no sleep. Not anymore. When I notice it's an insomnia night, I take two New You, and a good night of sleep, waking up refreshed and new.

Let me know if you want to get started on a more healthier lifestyle. It Works products might just be what you have been searching for.

Dream Trip to Puerto Rico

For most of my adult life I have wanted to go to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Well, I finally was able to fulfill my dream vacation, and run a half marathon. Twice I had to postpone this trip, once because I couldn't afford to go and I didn't have anyone willing to go with me, the pitfalls of being born couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. The other time, I was recovering from surgery.

So last year I set my goal on going to San Juan for my pre-birthday celebration and to participate in Run Like A Diva Half Marathon. Two of my running buddies agreed to go too.

The island was more beautiful and bigger than I expected. There are 70 cities on the island. So we only saw a portion of the island. We stayed in San Juan at the Conando Lagoon Villas at Caribe Hilton Resort. An amazing place. We had an ocean view studio, in which we were able to look at another city. There was an indoor tropical garden that had more lizards and iguanas than I like to see. One time I was standing next to one and didn't know it. Trying to get a good look at the ducklings, I stood right by it. Then I saw it, I scared, couldn't catch my breath, lol!

Let me back up, we arrived on the island on Thursday evening. It was hot. We got dropped off at our first hotel, but we went into the wrong building. We went into some condos, our hotel was next door. It had started raining, which we found out later that it was the rainy season, raining daily for spurts of 10 minutes. Umbrellas are a must have.

The hotel was old, no elevator. I had two heavy suitcases. We had an actual key, no card, but a key. The AC was a window unit attached to the wall. The water was luke warm for our shower. But we were surrounded by several restaurants.

Friday we checked into the resort, which just happened to be a 2 mile walking distance from the first hotel. A good thing because our favorite restaurant was this place called Punks Bistro and Bar.

We tried to walk to the famous fort but the heat and rain made us turn around. We found out during our race, we were only two blocks away before we turned around. We did so much walking, several times I reached over 15,000 steps.

Saturday was race expo and beach hangout day. The view was amazing. Sunday was race day. It was our running tour of some the island. There was no community support, a first.

Monday we visited the El Unique Rain Forest. Our guide was the best. He gave us a history lesson on everything. We had to walk 98 steps to the top of this observation tower. We would have been able to see St. Thomas is it weren't so cloudy. The clouds were the courtesy of South Africa, something was going on in that continent. We did a little rock climbing to reach this waterfall. Again, amazing. I was so nervous going in, I panicked a little.

Tuesday was our rum tasting experience and touring of Old San Juan. The GPS said a 45 minute walk. NOT!!! It took us one hour and 30 minutes. Talk about hot and sweaty. But the things we were able to see was so worth the walk. We received a great history lesson about rum and tasted some very good rums. Let's say Baracadia isn't my favorite, I got two new favorites. Neither are sold in the US.

One intriguing thing, the blue bricks from Spain. The Spaniards used the bricks as trade for the sugar cane. Several areas of the hilly streets were built with the blue bricks, which are very slippery, to prevent mud from accumulating during the rain. We finally got to taste Monfongo, one of the native foods. Talk about delicious! I have got to get the recipe.

Wednesday was our goodbye to the island day. We had a grand time, some things and several things will be left on the island...what happened in Puerto Rico, stays in Puerto Rico. Next time, no running, just exploring.

The White Panty Dilemma

So the new body doesn't like me exercising commando. My doc said to wear white cotton panties. I'm a thong girl and Hanes and Fruit of the Loom only sale packs of all white briefs. Yuck!! And the multi colored packs of bikini, hi cut and boy cut only have one white in each pack. That's a lot of money just to get one pair of white panties. So I bought the briefs. Talk about uncomfortable. It felt like something was digging into my body. But I didn't have any irritation in the southern sector. Now I can exercise again. This new body is going to take a lot more time to get use to.

My Soul Is At Peace

I am so at peace with my life. I'm thankful that I obtained this peace before all the blessings started flowing in. I'm being really selfish with myself because this is such an awesome feeling. It kind of compares to the moment I was allowed to peek in Heaven, but not as wonderful. But the funny thing, because I have stopped talking to so many people, some think I'm mad at them for some reason. So my question is, what have you done to make you think I'm mad at you? I've been enjoying my alone time with God so much, I keep running late for work.

My Midnight Vent

For 25 days in July, I was terrified I may have ovarian cancer. Even though I paraded around with a huge smile on my face, the inner me was terrified. So I reached out to people. For everyone that responded and covered me with prayer, I will always be eternally grateful to them, especially my sisters, my daughters, my nieces and nephews.

But there's this one chick that I called and left an urgent message with her and sent her a text message that said "please call me it's very important". She never responded.

Last Monday was my birthday, and she decided to call me and I decided not to take the call. She called both phones and I didn't answered neither of them. Tonight she called both phones again. And again, I didn't answer. While checking my home phone voicemail, she left a message saying she really needed to talk to an old friend and vent. The first thought in my head was, what the hell.

This is the same woman that mocked me when I went through my divorce, didn't offer a pinch of comfort. This is the same woman that called me a couple of days after I buried my father to tell me how good her life is going. She did stop for a couple of seconds when I asked her if she realized I just buried my father and didn't want to hear about her good life, then she proceeded to keep talking.

I have been this woman's shoulder for so many things, including her drug abuse, each time. And various other things. But this time, I won't be turning the other cheek. She can call my phone until the cows grow wings and start flying, this shoulder is no longer available. And since I no longer have hormones, and at the request of my daughters, I agreed to watch my mouth filter, I might not want to answer the phone.

But maybe I should so I can tell her how I feel. I can't promise I might not cuss her out. Better yet, I'll remain silent and keep ignoring the phone calls. After all that's what she does best.

My Tears

As I lay here crying and hurt, I thank You God for giving me the strength to move on. My time was not wasted, it was a good experience for me. I have no regrets. I'm glad I took the chance and will never have to worry about the what if, because now I know. We met for a reason and we had our season. I'm glad I followed the advice of a friend from long ago, date him for all four seasons to get full view of him. What he thought was a life time option is an opportunity lost. When I told him he was going to miss me when I'm gone, he thought it was a joke. No joking matter when you don't cherish what God has allowed you to have. Would I change any of my actions....no, because I did what I felt and wanted to do. In the end, I realize I have a good heart. Bitterness can't occupy it. Death of a parent and sibling has taught me I can survive anything because nothing on earth can hurt as much as losing true love ones. This temporary hurt I feel today, won't last long. It's not what I expected for my birthday present but it's what I got.

My Peek Into Heaven

Today, September 21, 2014, I walked, because of medical reasons I couldn't run, my 8th half marathon of 2014, in my 3rd state and my 20th half of my life time. My goal was to finish under 4 hours. If I finished within 3 hours, that would have been wonderful. My handicap for this event, 8 weeks post hysterectomy surgery and an eye infection in the right eye.

I started walking with these two older women so I could keep a descent pace. The Maui Marathon started at 5 am because of the Hawaiian heat and humidity. It was a little scary walking in the darkness along the highway.

I didn't start having any issues until mile 10 when my feet started hurting. By mile 12, my back and legs were hurting really bad. I crossed the finish line under 4 hours. I walked around to find my running buddies and to replenish my fluids. Once we found each other, we congratulated each other on finishing vertically.

I felt fine as we headed to the restroom, just really tired. After our restroom break, I started feeling dizzy. So we sat down and discussed getting some food and liquids in me. The dizziness got worse. I remember telling my friends I was about to pass out. When I looked at them, they looked fuzzy and my ears were ringing. I looked at this couple and the woman said I didn't look good. I heard Brenda say stay with me and open your eyes. I heard Cheryl say I'm calling 911. I remember being laid on the ground as everything went white. I felt my bowels about to move on their own, I said God please don't let this be my exit. My thoughts went to my mother and daughters. Gee and NeNe would be upset. Then I was in a very white, peaceful and quiet atmosphere. I was really enjoying being here,  then I heard Brenda say look at me and I heard another woman say talk to me and I heard another woman say her pulse is faint. I also saw a white, fluffy, pulsating cloud raise up off of me. As the cloud rose up, it slowly opened up with four squares in the middle of it, like a window pane. The cloud kept pulsating and rising further into the sky until it disappeared. After the cloud disappeared, I was aware of what was actually going on, I completely passed out. Even though I was drinking a lot of fluids, it still wasn't enough for the Maui humidity.

After what I experienced today, I understand why people that get to peek into heaven and stay if given the choice. I wasn't given a choice, I was sent back. But I do think if given the choice I would have stayed. The feeling was indescribably peaceful.

Labor Day Weekend 2014

Since 2005, I have not like Labor Day weekend. I used to cringe at the thought of this weekend. Labor Day weekend 2004 was the last weekend I sent with my Daddy. Two weeks later he died. It was a moment in my life of mixed emotions. I was thankful for his death because he was suffering from cancer throughout his entire body. I was extremely hurt because the life I had known for almost 40 years was about to change.

Then Labor Day weekend 2010, big brother and only brother passed away unexpectedly from cardiac arrest. One day I was getting a message from him, the next I received a call from my mother that he had been rushed to the hospital. Later that day he was on life support. My younger sister helped my mother make the discussion to remove the ventilator. She explained to us how the machine worked, which helped us to realize he was no longer with us. I'm thankful for her medical knowledge.

Labor Day weekend 2013, one of my older sisters was rushed to the hospital because she was having chest pains. I said to myself oh God not again. As I stood over my sister she said oh God I must really be sick if you're standing here. And she was. She was diagnosed with emphysema. At that moment, I hated Labor Day weekend.

Then my favorite older daughter decided to get married Labor Day weekend 2014. I was so busy focusing on this joyous occasion that I forgot the pain this weekend always brought me. But now and now every year forward, I will have something to celebrate. Once again, my daughter has brought unknown joy to my heart.

Post Surgery

I'm into my third week post recovery, it hasn't been easy. Others that have had the same surgery, say they didn't experience as many discomforts I'm experiencing. But while watching church on TV this morning, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. Don't rush recovery, enjoy this time alone with me. After this message, I heard the doctor's words again....your cut is longer than planned because your uterus was much larger than expected, therfore your recovery will take longer.

So as I lay and sit around my house, some good days and some painful days, I thank God for covering me. I was diagnosed with two forms of endometriosis, one was causing me to bleed into the lining of my uterus. My doctor and his assistant surgeon were both amazed that I never felt ill and/or in pain on a daily basis. That's why I say God covered me.

This time to think has also given me time to think about the new life I have been given. Some things about me will stay the same, but some things need to change.

My Last Mensual Cycle

My last mensual cycle of my life started Wednesday, July 23, 2014. And since I'm only able to take Tylenol because of my pending surgery, I have been sick, really sick. Cramping and nauseated.

I was able to make it home from work before the serious cramping started. By 11:30 pm, I was gripping the toilet bowl pucking. I was pucking so bad, my throat started bleeding.

The next day, I tried to make it to work on time but the constant vomiting delayed me for 2 hours. When I made it to work, some of my coworkers noticed my pale face and jumped into assistance mode. I lasted at work 2-1/2 hours.

I tried to eat something else besides crackers, but that didn't work. Now after 9 pm, the cramps are starting to ease up and the vomiting and nasuea have stopped. I think I can drink something else besides Ginger Ale but I won't try to eat anything until tomorrow.

I have been going through this for 12 years and on July 28th, it will come to an end. I will not miss it. So even though I'm nervous about the surgery, I'm thankful I won't ever again be experiencing this part of womanhood.

Good-bye monthly cycle. Life with you has been both a pleasure and a pain.

Pre-Op Day

Today was my pre-op day. I thought all I had to do was give a blood sample, urine sample and take an EKG. Simple enough, huh? Well, things did start off simple, until I arrived at the hospital. The fire alarm went off as soon as I walked into the building.  The funny thing, no one evacuated the building except me. So I re-entered, asked the security guard if it was a real alarm or just a drill. He didn't know. Okay, I proceed to the Admissions desk.

The admission process was easy, took only 15 minutes. Next stop, pre-admission testing, which took two and half hours. So glad I wore a strapless sundress, easy to undress. Here, I had to get a chest X-ray and talk to the surgical nurse. She said she had just had a hysterectomy three weeks ago, but by the use of the robot.

She began asking the standard medical questions. Then she explained in detail the procedure. But it was when I had to sign off on the possible complications, and saw the lab results, tears welled up in my eyes. I told myself to stop. So what it said abnormal results.

After my hospital visit, I headed to the surgeon's office for more testing. After paying my coinsurance bill, giving three tubes of blood and an EKG, I walked out into the parking lot and started crying.

I was crying more about the unknown, then the actual surgery. Everyone woman I know that's has had a hysterectomy has said it's the best thing they could have done. I pray and hope I feel the same way and there's no cancer.

Saturday I start the pre-surgery procedures. Let's just say, I'll be hanging very close to my house. I'm going to lose some serious weight. Anything over 5 lbs is serious for me.