Ending of 2010

Ending of 2010

The end of 2010 is approaching and I’ve taken time to reflect upon my year. Let’s see, I entered the year preparing for my daughter’s high school graduation and my college graduation. Her high school graduation caused me to cry several times out of praise to God for getting us to that point of her life. Receiving my first degree caused me tears because I didn’t complete it before my Dad’s death and before my Mom became too ill to really travel comfortably. But I got it, with my Dad’s last name on it, something he wanted.

Then I had foot surgery to remove a bunion that had been bothering me for years. It was an interesting experience because it reversed the parent/child role for a moment; my daughters became my primary caregivers. My granddaughters even tried to help. Skye always made sure I wasn’t hurting and Payton kept trying to take the boot and crutches away.

NeNe went away to college in Virginia. I know she was scared to attend college so far away, but I was very proud of her for taking the challenge. To make her journey to Virginia fun, at every state line we crossed, we stopped at the welcome centers and took pictures. Our funniest stop was in Georgia. It was dark and all the bugs were making noise, the state marker was placed way off from the parking lot. I had to run through the grass begging God not to let anything crawl on me or grab me. I had the itches for a couple of hours.

Gee has made it through an entire year without having to move back home. She came back temporarily when I had my foot surgery and when my car broke down. I have to step back and allow her to experience life’s ups and downs. It’s not easy watching my child bump her head, but the best lessons are the taught lessons. I really don’t want to see her make some of the same stupid mistakes I made, so I continually pray for her life. I’m more of a hindrance to her and I can accept that. The parents I know want their children to have more than what they had in life, me included.

With my new found emptynest, I started to focus on me. I enrolled in college full-time. I knew it would be a challenge because I have been attending part-time for several years. I forgot to take into account, I work full-time. Duh, Lenora, but I took the challenge anyway. I hit a road block with the sudden death of my big brother. It took a moment to get my focus back, but with determination I did. I didn’t do as well as I wanted, my grades were lower than I planned them to be. One class I’ll have to repeat, such is life and I’m not quitting.

My social life isn’t what I really wanted it to be, but I made that determination. Can’t socialize if you don’t leave the house. So I’m making an effort to get out of the house more often during my four weeks break from school. But first I need to get my sleep on, my body is tired. Plus, I love my home and having it all to myself. I’m going to venture outside of the walls, I promise myself.

I’m excited about entering into 2011; I have set some goals to achieve. They’re not resolutions; they will be some lifestyle changes. Things that have been pointed out to me during my mediation time with the Lord. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m tired of repenting and the spiritual spankings. I learned today, while listening to a message by Bishop Benjamin Gibert, I need to determine the things in my life that are wants or needs for me. God said He will supply all of my needs; my wants are favor I would like from Him.

I’ve decided to do something different on New Year’s Eve; I’m going out to a party. That right there might be a blog post in itself.

I Am So In Love...

I am so in love with Lenora (No Middle Name) Hearst. I have known her all of her life. I love the way her hair feels, soft as silk, whether it’s straight or kinky. I love her penetrating eyes that seem to be able see reality. I love her soft full lips, so gentle to the touch. I love the way you can feel the warmth of her heart by the touch of my hands. I love the two Cesarean scares on her stomach, which through them she brought life into the world. I love her legs, long as they may be, for such a short woman. I love her feet, they may seem big for such a petite woman, but those feet have carried her to many places and away from a lot of forbidden territory.

When did I begin falling in love with her, I’m not sure of the time or date. But I remember some moments in her life that caught my attention and caused me to start taking notice. The birth of her first child, she had to make an extremely tough decision within seconds on February 16, 1985. She had to decide on her life or that of her baby, but it had to be now because both of them maybe dying. She chose the life of her child. Even though someone said you can have another baby, she wanted this one. I think she might have remembered God’s promise during her entire pregnancy; He had some plans for this child.

In August 1990, when she realized she was pregnant and at the same time, realized, she would be doing this journey alone. She couldn’t understand why she lost the baby from the man she truly loved, but she knew God gave her this gift of life for a reason. She still appreciates not listening to the naysayers that kept insisting she have an abortion. All these years later, she can laugh at the naysayers because they have yet to realize that her daughter’s name means “Most Gracious Gift from God”.

In August 1997, she left an abusive marriage, the nightmare she calls it. It wasn’t how the nightmare treated her, but when she felt he might be abusing her daughters, it caused her to leave. She chose the safety of her daughters to seek her freedom. Yes, she was talked about for marrying the nightmare so quickly, but only a few took notice that something had to be going on for her to leave. She has it thrown up in face all these years later, but through that nightmare marriage, she gained another connection to God. She learned how much true control over her life He has.

In 2006, God told her He was going to take her through several storms. Those storms taught her many things; developed a strength in her that has caused me to love her so much more. The choices she had to make, the right decisions she made. Imagine how she left during that year, the tax bill on her home caused her mortgage to double, she lost her job, had to give her car back, her first grandchild was about to be born, her home flooded, every utility in her house had been shut off, her bank accounts were either empty or closed, her relationship came to an end, and people she had helped, turned their backs on her. Watching her go through these storms helped me to gain a better understanding of who this woman really is. She never gave up, she hung in there. She cried herself to sleep and got up the next morning with determination to succeed.

In June 2010, her heart became elated, she had accomplished what several people thought would not happen. She graduated with her Associates degree and her younger daughter graduated from high school. She yet again proved the naysayers wrong; both her daughters graduated high school without babies. Why would people want her family to fail still puzzles her, but doesn’t hinder her.

She decided to wait until her daughter left for college to start a serious relationship, but each day she chooses to spend time with me. She doesn’t allow just anyone to come near us. Yeah, she had some romantic interest, but were they really worthy of her love, her mind, her body. Although the news media says women her age will not get married, she chooses to believe what God has said, He knows all.

No Lenora (No Middle Name) Hearst is not perfect, but she’s perfect for me. I love her so much. It tickles me how she has embraced being an emptynester. She’s gone back to school full-time to obtain another degree, for her. She does things like that, she can now. She sacrificed 25 years of her life for her daughters, now it’s her turn. She is truly happy. Like this weekend, she jumped in her car and drove to Omaha to visit her mother and hangout with her friends. She sang to me all the way; no she cannot carry a tune, but the songs came from her heart and that’s what matters. I think she kind of got emotional singing MJB’s I Can See Colors, it described her.

I’m so in love with this woman and if she chooses to open her heart to another man, he would be a fool to let her get away. I’m glad I didn’t sleep on her, I’m glad I took the time to get to know her and appreciate the woman she has become. I love her and I will be letting her know how much I love her each and every second. I won’t waste my time on what others think about her, because they don’t know her, I do. Insight or out of sight, I love me some Lenora (No Middle Name) Hearst, she’s my baby, my girl, my woman.