The Engagement Ended

When my relationship with him started that June of 2011, I found out early that he was a risk, but I proceeded anyway. I received a lot of positive and negative comments. A lot of stuff hurt my feelings and the same time, I feel the Lord was developing me for something. I told the Lord in the very beginning, rather this ends in until death do we part or not, allow me to have a wonderful time and never be bitter. A wonderful time is exactly what I had. Even when I look back over everything that went wrong or could have been, I was happy.

I learned that no matter what happens to me, I can still love that person, forgive and move on or stay. I decided in June of 2012, it would be best for me to move on. Once we put everything in writing and discussed our life with a marriage adviser, it became very obvious we were headed on two different life paths. It wasn't until August I decided to jump off this rollercoaster and land on my two feet.

The funny thing, I can count the number of people that called, texted or emailed to inquire about me after the breakup. I shouldn't be able to count. As many people that spent their time and energy gossiping and hoping this relationship would end, you would think they would spend just as much energy trying to figure out how am doing.

Well, I'm good. Circumstances in life have taught me how to heal and not waste my time being angry, bitter or revengeful. I wish others could be that way. So what I'm the second woman he has asked to marry him and it didn't happen. This situation was for me to open my eyes to a lot that God needed me to see and know. One thing I know without a doubt is that I can love a man unconditional, I can forgive intentional hurt. I don't have to give up me to be any man's wife. Any changes God wants me to make, He will set the situation for the changes.

In this instance, God want me to learn about true forgiveness. I have had a lot of people I needed to forgive after this romance ended. But at the same time I had to seek forgiveness from some people, mainly my daughters. I harbor no ill feelings or ill will against him. I pray others will/would do the same. Life has so much to offer, why waste it in the negative. Allow the man to work in his profession, stop the black balling. Stuff happens in life then you move on, I did.

Another thing I learned was to do self-evaluation. Make sure I'm right before I try to help someone. I have to honest about my flaws and my bonuses. I've taken the time to know me. Do I still believe he was meant for me, yes. But I also believe we allowed too much outside influence affect what could have been. It's nothing I will dwell on, no need. My life is good, I'm okay.

Mr. Right Attention

I met him sometime ago, when I first saw him I was like dang, that brother is fine. But as our friendship grew, I knew we would never be anything but close friends, buddies. There is an invisible line that I would never ever knowingly across and he felt the same.

My buddy is very attentive, he can tell by the look on my face if something is not quite right with me. Even if I'm smiling, he seems to be able to glance right through the fake smile. He's a great gentleman, opens doors, pays for meals unexpectedly and says the right compliments at the right unexpected time.

I'm beginning to know his moods as well. I can hear it in his voice, know the facial expressions. Sometimes when we are having our deep conversations, it seems as though he's searching for something more than just surface visibility.

We have spent some private moments together. Nothing has ever transpired but the thought was there, I'm sure for the both of us. But we set the rules from the beginning, no crossing the sex line. We can sit and talk for hours about anything. Never any pressure to be anything other than myself. Could we just be the crutch the other one needs to make it through what's affecting our lives at the moment? I don't know, but I value our friendship and would hate to see it change.

What happens when I do meet my Mr. Right Attention? Will our special friendship come to an end? Will I hurt him when I'm not available as much? Will my Mr. Right Attention be able to see our closeness as just what it is? Will I be hurt when the attention isn't on me anymore? Time will tell, but until then, I'll enjoy our friendship for what it is, the buddy system.

26.2 Miles Equals A Road Trip By Foot - Part 2

Week 4 of training hasn't gotten any better, I'm exhausted during the day. I drank so much coffee and Mountain Dew, I think I dyed my insides. My gym experiences are getting better, I have the eye candy twins to view on Thursday mornings. I made some "after workout, let's hurry and get ready for work" friends in the locker room. My long run this week was only for 3 miles, which I ended up doing on the treadmill because it was raining and lightning outside. The hail was so heavy by my house, it looked like it had snowed.

On Sunday, I decided to take Tiger with me on my recovery walk. He was so excited. As we started up the street, he was trying to mark his spot on everything. I finally stopped allowing him to make his territorial markings. We walked through a part of the neighborhood, to HS Road to PR Road and back home. Tiger was wiped out, he slept all night. The walk gave my legs a chance to feel slow movement, I got some of the kinks out. My left hamstring is still really tight. I have to do better with my stretching and make time to attend hot yoga classes.

Week 5, I started the Monday off pretty good because it was my FWA (Flexible Work Arrangement) day off work. But by Wednesday, I could not get out of bed, so I didn't. This week several women either made post about the squat challenge or asked me to participate. I do not think so, but I changed my mind. I'm playing catch-up since the challenge started April 1. 50 squats a day for the remainder of 2013. I also added 5 MOL (Movements of Love) which is 125 crunches a day. I also changed my wake-up time to 4 am, since it takes me about 15 minutes to actually wake up. Hopefully, this will help me make it to the gym right at 5 am, instead of 5:15. I'm really loving my rest day Friday.

I also decided this week to change my running pattern to 3:1 intervals. The 5:1 and 4:1 intervals were hard for me to recovery by the next interval. I felt a lot better and I was able to do my pace run at 10:54 per mile. My goal is to get back to a 10 minute mile or less by September. I also decided to change my 30 minute runs on Tuesdays and Thursdays to 3 mile runs. I realized I will need to stop helping other people pace during my running events and try to keep up with faster runners.

Week 6 began with menstrual cramps and the usual monthly nauseous. I wasn't able to do anything on Monday morning. By Monday evening I was fine, but I had the Grands with me. I had them complete the squats, crunches and some push-ups with me. I wore them out and they were sleep within 10 minutes. I made up for missing the bike on Monday on Wednesday along with the Elliptical and upper body weight training. When I say I was exhausted afterwards, that's an understatement. On Wednesday night, I stayed up too late doing some Spring cleaning and couldn't wake up Thursday morning. To make myself stay on track, I worked out in the evening. Gold's Gym was super crowded, not like in the early mornings. I was able to drop my pace to 10:34. And yet again, my energy level was high and I couldn't sleep which made for a difficult Friday, I fell asleep in the breakroom.

Now I sit here on a Friday night, in bed, resting for my Saturday long run. I swapped this week's distance of 3 miles with last week's distance of 7.5 miles. I wasn't able to run last weekend because I had the writing bug Friday night and stayed up to 2 am. I had planned to run later in the day after Chuckie's pageant and getting my hair braided, but my head was hurting so bad, the wind irritated it. I need to figure out how to incorporate hot yoga into my schedule after my long runs on Saturdays, add pole exercise and magic mile training one day out the week. And I might not get my Sunday recovery walk in because I will be cheering for the BGR ladies as they cross the finish line at the Big D Marathon, Half Marathon and 5K. The Big D was the first half event I participated in, it started my love for the half distance.

God Told Her No, Not Yet

I can't remember why I called Cherly that morning in January, I usually wait until after work, but today I called during work hours. I said my usual hey girl conversation starter, then she said she was headed to the hospital to see Reymita. For what was my question. She said Nora, Mita had a heart attack today. I said tell her to sit her butt still and rest. She said no Nora, they had to shock her 2 or 3 times. Again, I said tell her to sit her butt still and rest. For some reason I never worried about Mita's situation. I knew that God was up to something. What I didn't know, until after she became the voice and face of the American Heart Association. God had chosen the perfect vessel, a woman after His heart.

I didn't cry about Mita's heart attack until she started her foundation, Healing Tender Hearts (http://healingtenderhearts.org). Sure I shred some tears when I saw the video, but that was because Sophia was crying in the video. Who doesn't cry when you see a close friend crying. I was sitting at my desk when I opened the link. I read the story I had heard so many times. But this time it hit me, we almost lost Mita. I kept hearing myself say it over and over again, we almost lost Mita. I sat at my desk crying.

After my cry, I sent her a personal email. I love her like she is one of my biological sisters. Mita displays Jesus. When people say Christians may be the only Jesus some people see, they are talking about Reymita Walls aka Reina. Of the 20something years I have known her, I've only seen her upset twice. The first time shocked me so much, I thought I was dreaming. The second time, it was so funny to see her upset and fussing, I started laughing. She has a famous saying of "Oh Golly".

Mita is a beautiful woman inside out. To know her is to love her. I praise God for choosing her and telling her no, not now. I'm sure when she saw His glory, she wanted to stay, but He sent her back for us. Us the people that don't know how to love unconditional, us that don't know how to forgive and forget, us that don't know what an earthly vessel means, us that do not want to follow our calling.

When you look at Reymita, you are looking at God's work, His property, His creation. He chose her to represent survival. So don't sleep on this messenger from God. He said no, not yet on January 31, 2011 for us to get it right.

© 2013 Lenora Hearst

26.2 Miles Equals A Road Trip By Foot - Part 1

As I've mentioned before, I never had any intentions of falling in love with running, but I did. Especially when the health benefits kicked in. I've decided to complete at least one full marathon so I will know for myself why people want to take a mini-vacation by foot.

This will be a series of my training experiences to be physically capable of completely my first full. If I like my first full, I might attempt to become a member of the Marathon Maniacs per the suggestion of one of my running buddies. The easiest way to accomplish membership is to participate in 3 full marathons within 90 days, hmmm.

I'm on week 3 of training. Weeks 1 and 2 didn't go too well. Week 1, I had my granddaughters and I was only able to get in one day of training. Week 2, was the beginning of daylight savings time, so my attitude was really rough. I have to be at the gym by 5 am, which means the latest I can be in bed is 10:30 pm. I never made it, it was always sometime after 11:30 pm, not good when I need to be up by 4:30 am.

Week 3, my body still has not adjusted to the workout hours. I missed one workout this week. I thought about making it up on Friday morning, but Friday morning, my body said heck no. I also started the task of deleting caffeine from my diet, again, I still haven't been successful. I have been having dizzy spells every morning, once I stumbled and my coworker caught me from falling. I've checked my blood pressure twice this week to make sure I wasn't being attacked by the silent killer. Thankfully my blood pressure was normal both times.

My training consists of four days in the gym, two days on the pavement. Mondays and Wednesdays, I do upper body weight toning. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I do lower body weight toning. Mondays also includes 30 minutes on the stationary bike with hill intervals. Wednesdays include 30 minutes on the elliptical with hill intervals. Tuesdays and Thursdays include treadmill running with hill intervals, one day is an easy day run and the other is at pace speed. Saturday mornings are considered my long run days. Sundays are my recovery days of walking 3 miles. I need to find time to add hot yoga every week and massage therapy after my races.

Most runners' training week ends with Sunday, so I've adopted that schedule. My training week ended with me completing the Rock N Roll Dallas Half Marathon. It was pretty cold outside, the wind chill had the temps in the 20s. Several BGR members were in town for the race. I started off pretty well, one of the BGR members from Maryland asked to keep pace with me, I agreed. The only problem, my pace was a lot faster than hers. By mile 8, I realized I was doing her more harm by trying to get her to keep up with me, so I stopped slowing down for her to get caught up to me.

Once I acrossed the finish line, I was cold, tired and had a major hamstring cramp. I was so glad my homeboy was waiting at the finish line, he was able to massage my leg. After walking around for awhile, he offered to take me to my car, yippee because I wasn't going to be able to make it standing in the long line at the train station. I stopped for breakfast, went home to shower, and sat on my bed relaxing the rest of the day.