12/24-31/11- My Journey to A Half Marathon

I bought my first pair of official, fitted running shoes and socks. I was going to try them out on the treadmill Tuesday evening, but Monday morning, I still couldn't move my neck or left shoulder. By Monday afternoon, I was in the chiropractor office. By the time I left the office, I could fully turn my head from left to right and back again without pain. I could stretch my left arm straight in the air and touch the middle of my back. I still couldn't touch my chin to my chest, but I could look down. Unfortunately, by bedtime the stiffness was back. Good thing I had another appointment in the morning.

During my visits it was determined that my backpack was too heavy and I wasn't viewing my laptop at a proper angle. So my decision to drop down to a part-time school was actually in the best interest of my health, mentally and physically. My X-ray revealed that I have a compacted disc between the C5 and C6 vertebrae. It was also discovered that my left leg is slightly shorter than my right leg, something I have suspected for years. The body alignments are magnificent, noticed the difference when I walked. After several therapy sessions, I'm back to running. YAY, I get to try out my new running schools. Did I mention the massages? OMG!

Last night I began week 2 of B210K. Silly me forgot to view my running schedule before I started. So I'm just running along on the treadmill (my new shoes come with a 30 day money back guarantee, so they request you run on a treadmill versus pavement), and since my body knows when 10 minutes is up, I get a little concern. So I did something I should have done before I started running, I checked the schedule. Three intervals of 15:1, aww man, but I complete it. My speed on the treadmill has increased from 3.5 to 4.6. Treadmill training is nice but it does not compare to running outside. I'll be so glad when the time changes again, more daylight in the evenings.
I found out I work within walking distance of Katy Trail, one the major trails in Dallas. So I'm seriously considering getting my running in right after work versus going home changing then heading to the rec center. I need the utilize my time wisely.

Black Girls RUN! is about to go international next year. To think BGR started as a running blog between two friends that wanted to improve their health. But with growth also comes the negativity. A lot of people are offended by the name, mostly women. BGR is not exclusive, it's inclusive. The organization targeted a group that was overlooked, black women that have a high instance of health issues related to diet and/or lack of exercise. We target neighborhoods other running groups overlook. Membership doesn't reguire a fee to belong, just a desire to become healthy. I think people need to focus on the positive results: more women of color are becoming physically active, some have lost weight, some are no longer taking prescription medicine, and at the races we participate in, we are making friends across racial lines. With that in mind, I'll sport my BGR gear just as I do my Black Women Do Workout.

Tomorrow I get to run with the Omaha group. I hope the temps don't keep me indoors like last weekend.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

My Journey to A Half Marathon 12/14/2012

When I started dating Warren, I didn't expect to gain weight that fast. From June to August, my weight increased from a size 6 to 10, in all the wrong places. My mother told me I looked pregnant. OUCH!!!

My young sister had taken up running and kept asking me to join in but I declined. Then Warren kept talking about how he enjoys half marathons and asked would I be interested in him training me. Again, I declined. Next thing I know my younger daughter started running again. I was being surrounded by running. So I decided to give it a try. Oh by the way, the weight gain was contributed to Warren; every time I visited he would take me to eat pizza. Come to find out, he likes thick women that are healthy and workout. So his goal was to thicken me up but I put a stop to that once I realized his intent.

In August, in order to encourage me to run, a new car was dangled to me. Hmmm, maybe I could run 13.1 miles nonstop. So I started training. Warren coached me over the phone. "See how far you can run before you get tired", my first challenge. Didn't make it too far because I didn't last ten minutes. His response "Babe that's good". He knows his butt was fibbing. Then he gave me the goal of setting a new distance each week.

Around this time, I started back to school full-time and my job required us to start working overtime. Which meant I could only run on Saturdays and/or Sundays. Shortly after that, my sister sent me a text about joining BGR. Okay, what's that? BGR - Black Girls Run. I said okay, but ignored it. A few minutes later, another text from my sister, here's the Facebook link. Side note about my sister Crystal: she has been one of my biggest influences to get healthy and workout. She is a great motivator. She always challenges me to do more or do better. So I joined BGR - Dallas in October. The ladies within this group are the most uplifting, positive women I have come in contact with since I moved to Dallas. BGR's theme "Perserve the Sexy". Soon I added "because sexy is healthy". We have neighborhood runs and group runs on Saturdays. Several women meetup to run during the week. They provide tips and constant encouragement. I'm one of the neighborhood leaders for the four communities in my area.

My next challenge from Warren was to run a half mile without stopping. I had to tell him he wasn't the beneficiary of my life insurance policy. Then he said but I'm going to be your husband and you need to build your endurance. He left me a little speechless. Then my sister challenged me to do 10 minute miles; not going to happen.

Before long I could run 1-1/2 miles without stopping. I was pumped up. I was telling everyone. My co-worker Brandon asked me what was my goal, I said to eventual complete a half marathon. He said, "so Warren is coaching you from Omaha", yes. "Does he know you're eating a donut?" #dumblookonface. Then Brandon made a comment: only a man truly in love with a woman will take an active role in her health long distance. Another #dumblookonface. Then he said I'm going to be Warren's eyes until he moves here; time to give up the junk. I got busted so many times at work trying to sneak unhealthy treats.

In October, I participated in my first 5K run. I thought my lungs were going to jump out of my chest. I have now completed two other 5K runs.

Last week I started the training program Bridge to 10K. I had to stop because of finals but I will start again on Saturday. My goal is to participate in the Cowtown 10K in February.

There’s A Pink Elephant in the Room

There’s a pink elephant in the room, when did it enter June 14, 2011, when news got out about the man I became involved with, let’s call him WF. Why the pink elephant? Because two years ago, 24 months as one person indicated, he called off his engagement to another woman. He admits he handled the situation very poorly and should have never asked her to marry him. To me he has accepted full responsibility for his actions. Do I agree with how he handled the situation? In no way do I, but I understand why he made the decision. I only wish my ex-husband had called things off for us before we got married. He gave me his reasons, I made my comments about his reasons, and we moved on. Like he said, if he could do it all over again, he would have handle things differently. But who in their life hasn’t done something they wish they could have a do over? I know I have had plenty.

The unfortunate thing about the woman he was previously engaged to, she just happens to be good friends with several friends I consider good and/or close friends. The woman and I were never friends, we just know of each other through email communications that I used to receive. The pink elephant began to grow when I noticed I was not receiving the normal emails. At first, I thought maybe I was tripping until one of the ladies mentioned I was removed from some email listings. I thought hmmm, after all these years. Then there was the comment posted by the woman on someone else’s Facebook page that she didn’t really want to see my profile picture. One would have thought, “my friend” would have removed the comment to maintain peace, but she didn’t, she allowed it to stay. So since this woman didn’t enjoy seeing my profile picture, which is of me and WF, it must have prompted another “friend” to remove me as a Facebook friend. Which I am okay with because she and the woman are like sisters. I also feel she is the only one that should be uncomfortable about this situation. I felt bad for her because she must have felt like I did when she married the man one of my close friends was madly in love with. So I understand how she feels. I guess when it was decided to remove me from the email distribution lists, no one thought I would notice, but I did. My feelings were hurt, I cried about it, and decided to keep it moving. These ladies and I have been friends 26+ years. No one has taken into consideration my feelings.

The pink elephant grew even more when I agreed to marry WF, which will be happening in 8 months. The sad thing, when close and/or good friends have decided to get married, most friends want to jump in and help, but not in this case. Out of this group of women, only one has made efforts to be involved. And since I’m trying to plan a wedding long distance, you would think more would offer assistance. And that’s okay because others have step in to assistance.

At this moment in life, I am experiencing a most beautiful love affair. I have never been treated this well by any man, outside of relatives. I’ve only been able to share my joy with one woman out of the group. That’s where spiritual growth steps in. According to what I have learned about God, He can, will, and has changed people. Once He has provided forgiveness to someone, we are not to dwell on that person’s mistake(s). But since we are of the flesh, we do; I’m guilty of it. For instance, my older daughter’s father was not good to me, but he is a great husband to his wife. Through the Lord, he became a totally different man. But I still remember how he treated me, but I don’t hold it against him anymore.

As far as WF, like I told a friend the other day, there is no guarantee he will not change his mind about me. But….what I have learned from seeking God for myself, if it’s not him, I’m getting closer to what God has prepared for me. Will I be hurt; heck yes; will I allow it to consume me; heck no. I have already experienced the worse heartaches I could ever experience thus far, the death of my dad and brother. At this point in my life, I have come to know that a man choosing to leave is a blessing. If WF doesn’t change his mind and we exchange vows on June 1, 2012, then so many people have chosen to miss out on what God is doing through this courtship.

When WF was asked why me over the other woman, he simply replied, they are two different women and I am a different person than I was two years ago. I’m learning from this situation. I have learned to hold my tongue and control my words. I have learned that another man besides my dad can love me for me, not what he wants me to be. I have learned not everyone will truly be happy for your happiness. Most importantly, I have learned to love a man through the eyes of God. We may not agree on everything, but we have agreed to work through everything together.

My way to get over this pink elephant; is to remove it from my view. As of the writing of this post, I will no longer allow “my friends” to upset me. If they choose to attend the wedding and/or reception, that’s on them. In actuality, on that day, I want to be surrounded by family and friends that truly love us and will be prayer warriors on our behalf throughout our life together as we grow to become one.

The Moment I Could Have Lost Her

Sunday, October 2, 2011, wasn’t a good day for me. I was womanhood sick and had to watch church over the internet. By the way, thanks Bishop Jakes. In between naps and mad dashes to the bathroom, I was able to get a little homework completed.

I had just given NeNe a lecture about conducting her errands late at night. She said this was an emergency, they always are with her. She left the house, five minutes later, she called screaming and crying. Asking me why would he do this to her. Mother panic/calmness kicked in, what the hell was happening to my child. I finally was able to get her to tell me where she was, up the street, good she wasn’t far away. I took off running out of the house, and then I remembered, we have two cars. I jumped into NeNe’s car and raced up the street.

When I exited the subdivision, the police cars were already there with their lights on. As I got out of the car, I saw the damage to my car. I didn’t see her at first, then I heard her crying voice as she ran towards me, shaking like a tree in a storm. I didn’t give a dam about the car, I just needed to know my baby was alright. A fool decided to drive while he was sloppy drunk. He hit my car head on. The impact knocked the car out of the street onto the shoulder. I truly believe if the light pole wasn’t there, the car and NeNe would have gone into the deep ditch. And Mr. Drunk Driver decided to leave the scene of the accident. Thankfully, some other drivers chased him down and his girlfriend also called the police to turn him in.

Because of pending litigation, I can’t discuss NeNe’s injuries. All I can say is she survived. My almost paid off car, didn’t, it was a total lost.  But I have my baby, shaken and bruised, but alive.

I can’t really describe how I felt when I received the call, I just know I forgot about myself being ill. I’m surprised of how God has calmed me, I didn’t punch or try to attack Mr. Drunk Driver when the police brought him back to the scene of the accident. My only concern at that moment was NeNe.

I may not always say I love you to my daughters, but my actions speak volumes. I’m thankful for whatever reason God allowed this accident to happen. I’m extremely thankful He wasn’t ready to call NeNe home. I’m thankful this time I wasn’t stingy with my car, because if she had been driving her car, this post would be about something else.

From Emptynest to Full Nest…Again

I had the opportunity to boast about my emptynest. I loved every moment of it, I truly did. But, that’s over with for the time being. NeNe didn’t return to Virginia for college, she stayed home to attend Community College. Which has turned out to be a great savings for me, and of course her. She will not be graduating from a four-year university with a lot of debt, but she will be graduating with less debt and two degrees, Associates and Bachelor. I have mixed feelings about her returning home. But I am glad, I’m the type of mother that made the commitment of motherhood until death.

To top things off, Gee and her girls have moved back in. I had mixed emotions about this also, this move was necessary and long overdue. I know what it’s feels like to be a single parent; I’ve been doing it for 26 years. Every now and then, we all need a lift up. I’m thankful I am able and willing to provide her a lift up.  I put her on a 6 month plan, I’m confident she will be successful.

The best part of having my full nest again, Skye and Payton aka Chuckie. They are both at the age of innocence. Skye is my girl, she has the most adorable smile. Chuckie, my little explorer is into everything, and I mean everything. Thank God for locks on doors.

Where Did Those 10 Pounds Come From….

That’s the question I asked myself the other day when I was struggling to put on yet another pair of pants. They came from Warren, yep, he caused the weight gain. Makes me too happy, treats me too well, and now it’s showing, EVERYWHERE!!!! I can’t even zip my pants laying down.

I’m really happy with my life. I’m not fully responsible for my daughters anymore. I’m their life coach, the help they may need to go in the right direction. The negative voice when they want something positive while they are doing something that isn’t good for them. So when NeNe mentioned I had gained some weight, well actually, she asked was I having sex (I’m not); I just thought, she gets it from her moma. I really think Gee is happy with my weight gain, after all I was the one that was her biggest critic when she started allowing herself to gain weight.

Yes, I’m weight conscious because diabetes, heart disease, and knee problems run in my family. It didn’t help any that my brother passed away a year ago from cardiac arrest. I was doing really well with my workouts and eating until I met Warren, well got re-acquainted with him. Then the fretful day I learned he likes thick women. I could hear his smile spread across his face over the phone when I said dang my size 8s are getting too small. Yep, the love of my life was pleased with the extra pounds he gave me. Now I know why he is always taking me out to eat, he likes thick women.

Well sad to say, I don’t feel comfortable at this current weight of 1_ _. And the inches; didn’t know my butt could grow that fast. And because of the growing fibroid tumors, I kind of look a little too bloated around the stomach. Then I have to remember that when women get married, they usually gain 10-20 extra pounds in the first couple of months. Therefore, I need to lose 10-15 pounds by June 2012. My age is a factor also, it’s a little more difficult to lose the cushion when you are knocking on age 50 door.

I truly love me some Warren but he can have his 10 pounds back. I’m adding my weight training back to my daily life routine. I’ve already started jogging and like the way my legs are starting to tone. So by Warren’s birthday, I’ll be giving him back his 10 pounds.

P.S. Please do not get offend by this post if you are full figure or thick woman. This is my way of expressing how I feel about my body.

So I Haven’t Written In A While

So I Haven’t Written In A While

So I haven’t written in a while because I have fallen for this wonder man. So far he has everything I requested from God and more. I’ve been writing unpublished blogs about our relationship. I haven’t decide when or if I will publish them. I’m leaving a report of our romance for our daughters and grandchildren. I haven’t been treated this well in a long time. I’m thoroughly enjoying every moment.

Why Online Dating is Not for Me

I’ve decided to give up online dating; I told myself when I return from my high reunion I would delete my page. I was meeting one jack butt after another. One guy said he picked my profile because I reminded him of his ex-wife; we had a similar style he liked. Another guy constantly sent me text messages saying Hi, nothing else, no phone calls, just Hi. One guy bugged me so much about sending him a picture of a dress I bought for my reunion, I knew he wouldn’t make it. Then he stood me up, not once, but twice. Yep, the joker stood me up twice, and then had the nerve to send me a text message the next day saying “Hi Sweetie, I was thinking of you”. What the heck? He didn’t understand me when I said lose my number, he thought I meant at that moment because he kept texting me and tried calling. He’s on the Do Not Reply list in my cell phone.  Another offered to send me pictures of his body parts, no thanks. A guy in Austin was upset because I didn’t want to have sex with him. He said at my age, I needed it constantly, so I needed to stop being in denial. Dude didn’t know I have a relationship with God, so his comment didn’t apply to me.

Needless to say, I have come across some junk. I’m not sure why so many men seem to think women my age are desperate and will accept anything. The fact is, we are not desperate, and we don’t have to be. We don’t believe the various articles about women our age will never get married. We don’t believe the articles about the poor selection of eligible black men. So please do us a favor and don’t believe them either.

I ended up closing my account before I returned from my reunion, that’s how much fun I had. After I made it through all the pop ups to prevent me from closing my account, the account is gone. I won’t be trying online dating again, not knocking it, it’s just isn’t for me. I’ll stick to the old fashion way of just meeting someone while out doing whatever. Like my friend Cathy once told me, all men are the same, they just look different so we can tell which one belongs to us.

My 30 Year All Schools Reunion

The Executive Committee for the All Schools Reunion

Last weekend I attended my 30 year all schools reunion, if I said I had a good time, it would be an understatement. A week later, I’m still tired. We had a wonderful turnout despite some people trying to sabotage it. My trip to Omaha started out wrong; I overslept and missed my flight. Thankfully, I was on Southwest Airlines because they have a two hour miss your flight rule. So I had to hurry to the airport, during rush hour traffic. The 30 minute trip to the airport took 15, don’t ask, but the HOV lane helped. While I was taking my luggage out of the car, I realized I had left my other carryon bag. The bag contained my toiletries, make-up, and jewelry. I could survive the weekend without my toiletries; I have an extra set at my Mom’s house. I could use my friend’s make-up, but I needed the right jewelry to go with my outfits. I was so glad my co-worker could FedEx my left behind items to me.

Thursday night was our Meet and Greet, we had more people attend then we expected. Everyone looked great, healthy and happy. There was a lot of hugging and laughter from seeing friends we hadn’t seen from the last reunion or some since graduation. One classmate became our dance instructor for those of us that didn’t know how to do the “wobble”. This was also the night the Dallas Mavs beat the Miami Heat; Texas can handle the “heat”. And of course, Big T had his dance off with the ladies from Tech High.

Friday night, we had our dinner and dance at the grand ballroom of the Doubletree Hotel. Everyone had on their best and the entire event was sold out. Cameras were flashing left and right, more hugs and surprised to see you comments. Dancing again until our feet hurt; some ladies were smart enough to have an extra set of flat shoes with them.

Saturday, we had our picnic, lots of food, drinks, and fellowship; more people showing up. The best surprise was the arrival of our middle school principal, Mr. James Freeman. He held a special spot in our hearts because he was probably one of the few school administers that sincerely cared about us and wanted to see us being successful. Mr. Gene Haynes, the principal from Tech High, showed up as well.

Our Saturday night party was almost a bust because the original place we were suppose to have our event, decided to book two additional events along with ours. So the Executive Committee decided to move our party to the Native Omahan Club which turned out to be a huge success. The NO Club sold out all of their liquor. Even though we were packed in tight and it was hot; we still danced until we were dripping wet. So glad I have natural hair because I had a new hairstyle by the end of the night.

Sunday was our time to worship God; I didn’t make it, I was extremely too tired and couldn’t go anymore. But from what I heard, a lot of our classmates were able to attend. This was also the night the Mavs beat the Heat again to become the NBA Champions.

Our Facebook group page has been filled with comments of how much fun everyone had and pictures of all the events. I’m so looking forward to our 35 year reunion. Just think our all schools reunions started when several of us were on the missing list from the high schools of attendance for the 20 year reunions. Funny thing, our parents and/or other family members still either live or own our childhood homes. It would be a great thing if we could get every student that graduated from an Omaha school, in 1981, to celebrate together, racial lines could be broken.

Emptynest No More

Emptynest No More

Well I no longer have my emptynest, the baby girl has returned home. I’m not upset or disappointed, I’m thankful that I instilled in my child that if you need to regroup and try again, home is the best place to do it. Not with your friends or strangers, but at home. Yes, I heard the comments that I’m too overprotective. Maybe I’m just being a responsible parent. Maybe I can remember all the times my parents were there for me. Maybe it’s because God has always and mean always had my back. In or out of sin, God has always protected me and helped me regroup.

Also, when I read the headlines and listen some of the interns at work discuss their college debt, I’m convinced the best thing for my child is to attend community college, complete her Associates degree, then transfer to a 4-year university to complete her Bachelor’s degree. This will allow her to graduate from college with a small amount of debt or none.

So even though my emptynest has been invaded, it’s okay because my baby will be able to regroup and fly out of the nest an even stronger and better young woman.

Holding Grudges

When a person holds a grudge against someone, they are doing more harm to self than to the person they are holding the grudge against. Most likely the receiver is either unaware of the grudge or have choose not to allow it to affect their life. I realized some time ago that a couple of people had grudges against me but I didn’t know why. It had to do with something I said or didn’t say or something I did or didn’t do. I just didn’t know and as time passed, I just didn’t care anymore. I refuse to be held hostage to someone’s grudge against me. These people had plenty of opportunities to discuss their grudges against me but have chosen, for whatever reason, not to. Maybe having the grudge against me makes them feel comfortable with their life. One thing I do know, grudges are unhealthy. They are mentally draining, they cause undue stress upon your body, they have the potential to block moments of happiness that could be shared, and they age you.

In 2003, Dr. Tony Evans made a comment in one of his sermons, he said you have more years behind you than you do ahead of you, how do you choose to live them? I choose to live mine in peace. If someone decides for whatever reason they no longer want to be a participant in my life, cool. I can only apologize so much; either you accept it or you don’t. If you think my apology is insincere, please know, it wouldn’t come out of my mouth if it wasn’t sincere. I’ve gotten too old to brown nose.

After I had the medical scare of internal bleed, I really started to value me. I know it may sound selfish but I’m the only me I have. Yes, I birth two clones, but they are not me.

I've Already Paid the Price So You Don't Have Too (An Open Love Letter to My Daughters)

This is my open love letter to my daughters, Ge’Von Holloway and Zaneta Hearst, and a re-assurance for my granddaughters, Skye and Payton and any future grandchildren. So when you question if I love you, remember what is written here, and always know, I love you more than you love yourself. Just as Christ has paid the price for our salvation, I too have paid a price for your life. I have the two scars to prove it and I shed my blood for your life.

I have made good choices and bad choices in life. I have experienced pleasure and pain in life. I have made mild mistakes and major mistakes. So when you think I’m being too controlling, know that I’m being overprotective. Will I ever get to the point in my life where I’m not overprotective, yes I will. It will be the day that my heart stops beating permanently. You two are the best gifts; I would be foolish to not want greatness for you.

If I don’t like someone you are dating it’s because I know you deserve better and/or I've seen that spirit before. I will forever want my daughters to have the best man God has created for them. As I look over my life, I have made some bad choices in some of the men I have dated. One of the things I learned from dad was how to walk away from a relationship. Some I should have walked away sooner than later. You don’t have to be someone’s chick on the side, I played that role and it never amounts to anything but a broken heart. Pre-marital sex does not guarantee a successful relationship; I’ve tried that before also. Trust me when I say save it for your husband. I’ve even stayed in a bad relationship to prove my mother wrong. All I got out of it was a beautiful daughter. Yes, that’s you Ge’Von.

I have sacrificed a lot so that you can have a better life. Being a single parent is not an easy job, but motherhood is a very rewarding career. So if you think I’m too judgmental of you, know that is not the case. I know each of your abilities and will not allow you settle for what is beneath you. You both are very talented and intelligent young women. Use your intelligence for greatness, but not so you can fit in with the wrong crowd. What’s the wrong crowd? People that don’t want anything out of life, but what they can use other people for. People that think they know what’s better for you than I do.

You know how to succeed financially; you both learned how to count money at an early age. So your financial struggles should be minimal or non-existent. Remember your mother is the women that worked three jobs to keep us afloat. I planted the seed so you two would always have a roof over your head. You two are the reason I never lost our home during the foreclosure crisis.

Ge’Von you choose not to attend college, but you have been successful at every job you have had. If you ever decide to go after your degree (something I’ve prayed for), you will be even more successful. Zaneta you are in college now and will be a success during and after graduation. Encourage and reinforce Skye and Payton’s educational achievements and any of your future children. Ge’Von you have excellent oratorical and writing skills, pass that on to your children. Zaneta you have a technical mind, share your knowledge with your future children.

You may not like some of the decisions I’ve made, but know I have your best interest at heart. Sometimes God uses me as His rod of correction. You may not see it now, but you will definitely see it later. I have fasted and prayed and prayed and fasted for your successes in life, that’s why I say things when you get off course. If I didn’t love you, I would be like some parents that cut their children off when they turn 18. I will not carry you financially, but I will assist you when I know you are doing your best.

I don’t show favoritism between you two nor do I love one more than the other. You both have been afforded the same opportunities. I have encouraged your love and bond between each other because I do not have a bond with my sisters. Your love for each other has broken the curse that has been on our family for too many generations. Look at Skye and Payton’s relationship, also proof generational curses can be broken. You both are further along in your spiritual walk than I was at your ages. I see your lights when I look at you. I pray you two will go back to worshiping through praise dancing; you have such a great anointing that flows from you.

So my daughters as you reflect on our lives together, the good times, the bad times, the successes, and the failures, remember you don’t have to walk the path I did or experience some of the things I have, I’ve already paid the price so you don’t have too. So any bad examples I have lead is a teaching lesson for you not to follow. Allow my mistakes to be your stepping stones to success. Continue to be the lineage that breaks the generational curses on our family. You are already off to a great start by being two loving sisters and I will continue to fast and pray and pray and fast for you both.

I love you much more than you will ever know,

Your Mother

My Emptynest and Valentine’s Day

Tomorrow will be Valentine’s Day and once again this year I’m single. According to society I should be very unhappy and miserable tomorrow, but I’m not.

The last time I was involved with someone on Valentine’s Day, was in 2006, the year the Lord allowed me to go through several, and I mean several storms. The guy I was involved with was in serious trip mode, probably because the woman he was cheating with got tired of being the one on the side. How do I know, I read the text message she sent him. On Valentine’s 2006, he was acting a butt (I’m working on not cussing). He hurt my feelings so much on that day that I made a commitment to myself that I would not allow Valentine’s Day determine my worth or happiness as a woman.

So for the past four years, I have not allowed this day to bother me until for a brief moment this evening. This guy from church and I were pumping our gas and he started boasting about what he’s planning to do for his wife tomorrow. I have to admit, I was a little jealous. What made me jealous, when he starting boasting about the six business suits he bought his wife from Macy’s for her birthday. My heart sank, because I would love to have my own man to shower me with gifts on my birthday.

Oh you thought I would be jealous of his wife’s Valentine’s gifts, nope it was the birthday presents that got me. He was so proud to be able to purchase gifts for his wife. He was acting like a high school boy being able to take his girlfriend to McDonald’s after the game. On my last birthday, my Omaha babe, sang to me expressing how he felt about me at the time. That meant so much to me and I’m sure he doesn’t really know how much. But it was a gift from his heart that’s why it meant so much.

Tomorrow at work will be a very busy day of flower deliveries. Maybe I should stop and buy a rose for my co-workers that are single to help them feel better. Or maybe they feel like I do, bump Valentine’s Day, where’s my birthday present. I feel the same way about Mother’s Day and Christmas. I have the greatest gifts any woman could want for Mother’s Day, grandchildren. I got over expecting gifts for Christmas after having my first child. I realized then, it’s all about your kids, and you don’t matter anymore.

It took me a couple of years after my Dad passed away to really enjoy celebrating my birthday again. On my birthday, he always made me feel as though I was the most important person in his world. That’s why I love my birthdays so much because it’s the day the Lord chose for me, which means it’s mine.

So as everyone is running to the stores looking for the perfect card, gift, and flowers, I sit at home writing this blog. When I finish writing, I’ll start on my homework, complete my workout, say my prayers, and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll wear my red like my co-worker asked and enjoy the day for the ones that Valentine’s Day means so much for them.

I’m sure some couple's relationship may end because he didn’t send flowers for all her co-workers to see or he didn’t buy the right gift. For me, it will be and probably for the rest of my life, just February 14, another day to wear red. It will also always be a reminder that on this day in 1985, I went into labor with my first child and she showed up two days later. Happy Birthday Baby GeGe!

Time to Walk Away…

Turning your back on someone isn’t an easy thing to do, but sometimes a necessary thing to do. I had to make that decision about someone last night. I love this person dearly, but I can’t handle watching this person continuously make the same stupid mistakes over and over again, on purpose. So I figured, it would be in the best interest of everyone involved if I just kept my distance.

No, this wasn’t an easy decision, but a necessary one, necessary for both of our spiritual growth and development. When you truly love someone, you do whatever you can to provide positive support. In this situation, the support was beginning to have a negative effect on me. Statistically, I have more years behind me than in front of me so I need to eliminate all unnecessary stress.

I’m not the perfect woman, never claimed to be, but I’ve made enough stupid mistakes and made enough idiotic decisions to know when someone else is getting ready to repeat history. So for this person to think I’m jealous of their life verses concern for their welfare, means I need to back off and let school begin for them. The best lessons learned are the taught lessons. I’ve had a lot of taught lessons; so many that I would just rather submit to God’s will and be obedient. Those spiritual spankings are not worth it anymore; they definitely hurt and leave lasting memories.

But who knows, maybe me making the decision to distance myself from this person is what God needed me to do so that He can get their full attention. And if that’s what it takes to get this person on the right track and to realize, He is not going to be mocked, then so be it.

A friend of mine told me last night while I was venting, that remember Christ has already paid the price so you don’t have to. And she’s right; I don’t have to continuously hit my head against brick walls, just march around them like they did the city of Jericho. Come day seven, whenever that maybe, I’ll just shout and watch the walls fall.

If I Wasn’t Married, You Would Be My Girlfriend

If I wasn’t married you would be my girlfriend, that’s what he said to me. Then as I was exiting the door, he whispered in my ear, you are my girlfriend. All I wanted to do was watch the Super Bowl, the only time I pay full attention to football, besides the playoffs. What I think he really wanted to say is, I wish my wife would have come. At the watch party I attended, the men did all the cooking and all the serving. The women were told to sit back and relax. So when this guy kept offering to bring me things, I thought nothing of it; that was until the game was over. That’s when he said it; if I wasn’t married you would be my girlfriend.

Did he have that much disrespect for me and his wife that he felt comfortable enough to make the comment? Then to claim me as his girlfriend was an even greater insult, I’m too old to be any man’s girlfriend. I don’t want that title, unless I’m my husband’s girlfriend for the moment.

His comment got me to thinking that lately I have been attracting a lot of married men. Does something about me cast off the image of mistress? I hope not because I made that mistake once years ago and promised God if He got me out of the situation, I would never ever do it again. That is unless I’m acting as my husband’s mistress.

So wives be forewarned, not all women will react the way I did. Even if you don’t like football or other sports, fake it. I gained my interest in football because I wanted to hang out with my big brother. Husbands and wives, in my opinion, need to be the best hang out buddies. Men are visual and are easily distracted by the slightest movement of a woman, so be that slightest movement as much as possible. I’m not saying attend every sporting event, just as many as possible because there are women that don’t mind being the “sport fish”, I’m just not one of them.

The Emptynest and Weight Loss

So I decided in November I needed to trim it down a little. I hadn’t workout consistently since I had my foot surgery last June. So the pounds crept on and the muscle tone slowly disappeared. I know people think I don’t need to lose weight, but I’ve had this body all my life so I know when things are getting out of control. Plus it didn’t help when my younger sister called me pudgy.

Me and two of my co-workers decided to do a fitness challenge. The idea lasted about a week. So we decided to just encourage one another. My cousin Kelly, the personal fitness trainer (http://www.anewyouinside.com/), gave me lots of encouragement and pointed out areas to work on. My sister Crystal gave me tips on what she did to lose weight and tone.

December 1, I began my workout routine. I started getting up at 4 a.m. to do my workouts. That lasted until a week ago; now I workout in the evenings. As soon as I walk in the door, I head straight for my workout draw. By the way, I need some new workout clothes. The ones I have are from when I was 160 lbs and knocking at size 14 door. I’m a lot smaller now; size 8 and some size 6, and my last official weight in had me at 148.9 lbs. I’m only 5’4-1/2”; I just look tall because I have long legs.

Anyway, I started from the beginning with Beach Body’s Turbo Jam and Zumba. When I first learned Zumba, NeNe was here on winter break and she was so tickled at me trying to learn the moves. I cannot get my hips to move that way, yet. I’m glad my hair is natural because when I get done working out, I’m dripping wet. After my workouts, I take a nice hot bath and drink a tall cup of ice water. AHHHH! Since I started working out again, I’ve notice my size 8 pants are not as tight as before. The size 6 pants are still a little snug. Payton has joined her sister as my workout buddy. Yes, they get in the way, but it means so much to them. Granny’s girl and Granny’s baby are learning about fitness early.

On January 16, I started limiting my calorie intake. I joined http://caloriecount.about.com/ to keep track of my calories. That damn website said I was overweight for my height and age. HUH? It suggested I drop down to 128 lbs; I suggested not. I’m sure if I get these fibroids removed, that will take a good 5-7 lbs off.

Monitoring my calorie intake is very challenging. So far I have went over the limit 4 times. Actually paying attention to what I eat and how much I eat is kind of eye opening. I never knew how much sodium is in packaged food until I started reading labels. I see why so many people have high blood pressure. Looks like I will be going back to cooking from scratch.

If I follow my current schedule and stick to my plan, I should be at my goal weight by May 25; in time for my 30^th class reunion.