She’s Coming Home

NeNe is coming home for Thanksgiving. I’m kind of excited to see her, not as excited as her big sister. I’m excited because I can hear a little maturity in her voice. When we talk on the phone, I can hear the independence growing in her. I’m excited because I miss seeing my baby every day by choice.

I hope her time here will do her some good because she has been extremely homesick. The 2:30 a.m. call I received one morning still rings fresh in my memory. It took her dad and me an hour to get her calmed down. It was the call he needed to say, I’m bringing my baby back home. He never wanted her that far away.

NeNe has already made plans to stay with her big sister Gee, which I’m fine with and expected it. Those two are something else together. Always arguing with each other, but hard to separate. Gee has already informed her supervisor she will not be at work because her baby sister is coming home. Nique, NeNe’s best friend, texted me to inform me that she would be picking up NeNe from the airport. Nique is more directionally challenged than I am. I know the names of the airports, she doesn’t.

I hope NeNe’s time here will help her to realize that she isn’t missing much and will agree to complete her full year at VSU. She wants to come back to Texas for school. The distance from home has allowed her to understand and appreciate home. She knows now that I’m not trying to control her, but developing her into a productive, successful woman.

NeNe is coming home, I can hear the excitement in her voice. I’m sure I won’t see much of her because all her friends think it’s all about them. NeNe had the nerve to put me on her schedule, with my car and my money. Imagine that.

NeNe and Gee together again will be a Color Purple moment. Watch out Dallas, the sisters will be back together again in less than 24 hours. I did something right as a mother, I taught my daughters to love one another unconditionally; to depend on each other; to support each other; and to trust each other. Yep, my girls back together again, I’m getting excited just thinking about it.

Missing Him....

I woke up this morning in tears because I am really missing him. I had no idea I would miss him this much. Well, yes I did. I was doing okay until yesterday evening I tried to call him and he wouldn’t answer the phone. I kept saying I know you hear the phone ringing so just answer it. You know it’s me because caller id is flashing across the TV. Man dang it, just answer the phone. Then I realized that it’s not that he wouldn’t answer the phone, he couldn’t. I forgot for the moment, because of the exciting news I wanted to share, that he was gone. He’s resting in peace. The tears began to flow. I couldn’t stop them. I didn’t even realize I had stopped in the middle of the street.

This morning I awoke to the memories of his last day. I can still remember his heart beat as it faded away. I think I’m getting kind of extra emotional because my birthday is coming up. Since I’ve been in Dallas he has called me at 12:01 a.m. every year to wish me Happy Birthday. This year will be different. I’m trying to be excited, I even made plans to celebrate, but the heartache is still present. This is a different heartache from the one I felt in 2004. But it still hurts.

To handle this heartache, I’m not running from God like I did the last time, I’m running to Him. I’m not angry like before, just hurt. I’m still trying to adjust to him being gone as well as one of the Village Moms being gone. Our holidays will be different. This is the first year I will not be going to Omaha for Thanksgiving by choice. The other times either I didn’t have the vacation time or I couldn’t afford it. But this year I don’t want to go. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

So I sit hear crying, missing him and also thanking God for blessing me to have been an important part of his life, one of his baby sisters.

My Emptynest: Is It Really Empty or Are They Just on Vacation?

I was talking to my co-worker Amanda about my daughters and she asked me “is it really empty or are they just on vacation?” And it got me to thinking, would I be wrong if I changed all the locks on the doors to my home? Yes and no. You see this is the first time in my soon to be 48 years of life that I have lived alone. I absolutely love it. It is so much you can do in your home alone. No one asking moma can I have this, when will you this, how come you this, etc.

NeNe wants to come back to Texas for school, she’s extremely homesick. Gee comes over almost every day. My granddaughter Skye is still trying to plot how she is going to move in. I’ve spent a couple of weekends with Payton; she eats too much and she talks a lot, don’t know what she’s saying, but she’s talking to me.

I finally put the shower curtain back up in the “community” bathroom, only because my best friend Jo and my sister Cynthia were coming to visit. I think Gee took it as her invitation to start washing her hair over here again, NOT! I decide to take it back down this weekend. The new shower curtain makes the bathroom look more decorative, but it’s too inviting.

So do I really have my house to myself or are those two daughters really on vacation? When I was preparing the bedroom for Jo’s visit, the room NeNe occupied, I couldn’t believe all the stuff I found. NeNe had money everywhere. I attempted to clean under her bed, big mistake. I think she really was staking her claim to my bedroom I allowed her to utilize all these years. There are so many shoes boxes underneath the bed. I only looked in five boxes, two were empty, one had a book she shouldn’t have been reading in it, another one had markers, pencils and pens in it, and the other had some whatever stuff. I couldn’t go on, had to stop, that will be a project for NeNe when she comes home for Thanksgiving.

Gee fought with me tooth and nail because she didn’t want to remove her stuff from the bedroom she used to occupy. I had to threaten her (well it really wasn’t a threat, because I meant it) with changing the locks. I had already picked out some new ones at Lowes. Gee’s a slick one, I thought she moved her stuff too fast that day. I was right, I checked the closet, she stuffed everything in there. What’s up with my daughters staking claim on my property?

So do I really have an emptynest or are they on vacation? What do you think? Will I get my boarders back, temporarily or permanently? Lord I hope only NeNe comes back temporarily. I’m confident Gee will make it on her own this time, at least until she gets married. She just needs to drop that microwave attitude. Am I wrong because I love my freedom of having my house to myself? All of my utilities have gone down. I finally have a water bill under $65. Would I be wrong if I change all the locks, change the security pass code, and change both my phone numbers? Is that bad parenting or a woman that loves her own space?

I think since I’m finally living alone after almost 48 years of sharing my space, the next person I share it with should be my husband or a puppy. Those daughters of mine need to go on long term vacations. They can make it, I’ve taught them well. Rather they choose to use those skills, it’s on them. BUT I’m keeping my emptynest because it really is empty and they are not on vacation.