There’s A Pink Elephant in the Room

There’s a pink elephant in the room, when did it enter June 14, 2011, when news got out about the man I became involved with, let’s call him WF. Why the pink elephant? Because two years ago, 24 months as one person indicated, he called off his engagement to another woman. He admits he handled the situation very poorly and should have never asked her to marry him. To me he has accepted full responsibility for his actions. Do I agree with how he handled the situation? In no way do I, but I understand why he made the decision. I only wish my ex-husband had called things off for us before we got married. He gave me his reasons, I made my comments about his reasons, and we moved on. Like he said, if he could do it all over again, he would have handle things differently. But who in their life hasn’t done something they wish they could have a do over? I know I have had plenty.

The unfortunate thing about the woman he was previously engaged to, she just happens to be good friends with several friends I consider good and/or close friends. The woman and I were never friends, we just know of each other through email communications that I used to receive. The pink elephant began to grow when I noticed I was not receiving the normal emails. At first, I thought maybe I was tripping until one of the ladies mentioned I was removed from some email listings. I thought hmmm, after all these years. Then there was the comment posted by the woman on someone else’s Facebook page that she didn’t really want to see my profile picture. One would have thought, “my friend” would have removed the comment to maintain peace, but she didn’t, she allowed it to stay. So since this woman didn’t enjoy seeing my profile picture, which is of me and WF, it must have prompted another “friend” to remove me as a Facebook friend. Which I am okay with because she and the woman are like sisters. I also feel she is the only one that should be uncomfortable about this situation. I felt bad for her because she must have felt like I did when she married the man one of my close friends was madly in love with. So I understand how she feels. I guess when it was decided to remove me from the email distribution lists, no one thought I would notice, but I did. My feelings were hurt, I cried about it, and decided to keep it moving. These ladies and I have been friends 26+ years. No one has taken into consideration my feelings.

The pink elephant grew even more when I agreed to marry WF, which will be happening in 8 months. The sad thing, when close and/or good friends have decided to get married, most friends want to jump in and help, but not in this case. Out of this group of women, only one has made efforts to be involved. And since I’m trying to plan a wedding long distance, you would think more would offer assistance. And that’s okay because others have step in to assistance.

At this moment in life, I am experiencing a most beautiful love affair. I have never been treated this well by any man, outside of relatives. I’ve only been able to share my joy with one woman out of the group. That’s where spiritual growth steps in. According to what I have learned about God, He can, will, and has changed people. Once He has provided forgiveness to someone, we are not to dwell on that person’s mistake(s). But since we are of the flesh, we do; I’m guilty of it. For instance, my older daughter’s father was not good to me, but he is a great husband to his wife. Through the Lord, he became a totally different man. But I still remember how he treated me, but I don’t hold it against him anymore.

As far as WF, like I told a friend the other day, there is no guarantee he will not change his mind about me. But….what I have learned from seeking God for myself, if it’s not him, I’m getting closer to what God has prepared for me. Will I be hurt; heck yes; will I allow it to consume me; heck no. I have already experienced the worse heartaches I could ever experience thus far, the death of my dad and brother. At this point in my life, I have come to know that a man choosing to leave is a blessing. If WF doesn’t change his mind and we exchange vows on June 1, 2012, then so many people have chosen to miss out on what God is doing through this courtship.

When WF was asked why me over the other woman, he simply replied, they are two different women and I am a different person than I was two years ago. I’m learning from this situation. I have learned to hold my tongue and control my words. I have learned that another man besides my dad can love me for me, not what he wants me to be. I have learned not everyone will truly be happy for your happiness. Most importantly, I have learned to love a man through the eyes of God. We may not agree on everything, but we have agreed to work through everything together.

My way to get over this pink elephant; is to remove it from my view. As of the writing of this post, I will no longer allow “my friends” to upset me. If they choose to attend the wedding and/or reception, that’s on them. In actuality, on that day, I want to be surrounded by family and friends that truly love us and will be prayer warriors on our behalf throughout our life together as we grow to become one.

The Moment I Could Have Lost Her

Sunday, October 2, 2011, wasn’t a good day for me. I was womanhood sick and had to watch church over the internet. By the way, thanks Bishop Jakes. In between naps and mad dashes to the bathroom, I was able to get a little homework completed.

I had just given NeNe a lecture about conducting her errands late at night. She said this was an emergency, they always are with her. She left the house, five minutes later, she called screaming and crying. Asking me why would he do this to her. Mother panic/calmness kicked in, what the hell was happening to my child. I finally was able to get her to tell me where she was, up the street, good she wasn’t far away. I took off running out of the house, and then I remembered, we have two cars. I jumped into NeNe’s car and raced up the street.

When I exited the subdivision, the police cars were already there with their lights on. As I got out of the car, I saw the damage to my car. I didn’t see her at first, then I heard her crying voice as she ran towards me, shaking like a tree in a storm. I didn’t give a dam about the car, I just needed to know my baby was alright. A fool decided to drive while he was sloppy drunk. He hit my car head on. The impact knocked the car out of the street onto the shoulder. I truly believe if the light pole wasn’t there, the car and NeNe would have gone into the deep ditch. And Mr. Drunk Driver decided to leave the scene of the accident. Thankfully, some other drivers chased him down and his girlfriend also called the police to turn him in.

Because of pending litigation, I can’t discuss NeNe’s injuries. All I can say is she survived. My almost paid off car, didn’t, it was a total lost.  But I have my baby, shaken and bruised, but alive.

I can’t really describe how I felt when I received the call, I just know I forgot about myself being ill. I’m surprised of how God has calmed me, I didn’t punch or try to attack Mr. Drunk Driver when the police brought him back to the scene of the accident. My only concern at that moment was NeNe.

I may not always say I love you to my daughters, but my actions speak volumes. I’m thankful for whatever reason God allowed this accident to happen. I’m extremely thankful He wasn’t ready to call NeNe home. I’m thankful this time I wasn’t stingy with my car, because if she had been driving her car, this post would be about something else.

From Emptynest to Full Nest…Again

I had the opportunity to boast about my emptynest. I loved every moment of it, I truly did. But, that’s over with for the time being. NeNe didn’t return to Virginia for college, she stayed home to attend Community College. Which has turned out to be a great savings for me, and of course her. She will not be graduating from a four-year university with a lot of debt, but she will be graduating with less debt and two degrees, Associates and Bachelor. I have mixed feelings about her returning home. But I am glad, I’m the type of mother that made the commitment of motherhood until death.

To top things off, Gee and her girls have moved back in. I had mixed emotions about this also, this move was necessary and long overdue. I know what it’s feels like to be a single parent; I’ve been doing it for 26 years. Every now and then, we all need a lift up. I’m thankful I am able and willing to provide her a lift up.  I put her on a 6 month plan, I’m confident she will be successful.

The best part of having my full nest again, Skye and Payton aka Chuckie. They are both at the age of innocence. Skye is my girl, she has the most adorable smile. Chuckie, my little explorer is into everything, and I mean everything. Thank God for locks on doors.