When my relationship with him started that June of 2011, I found out early that he was a risk, but I proceeded anyway. I received a lot of positive and negative comments. A lot of stuff hurt my feelings and the same time, I feel the Lord was developing me for something. I told the Lord in the very beginning, rather this ends in until death do we part or not, allow me to have a wonderful time and never be bitter. A wonderful time is exactly what I had. Even when I look back over everything that went wrong or could have been, I was happy.
I learned that no matter what happens to me, I can still love that person, forgive and move on or stay. I decided in June of 2012, it would be best for me to move on. Once we put everything in writing and discussed our life with a marriage adviser, it became very obvious we were headed on two different life paths. It wasn't until August I decided to jump off this rollercoaster and land on my two feet.
The funny thing, I can count the number of people that called, texted or emailed to inquire about me after the breakup. I shouldn't be able to count. As many people that spent their time and energy gossiping and hoping this relationship would end, you would think they would spend just as much energy trying to figure out how am doing.
Well, I'm good. Circumstances in life have taught me how to heal and not waste my time being angry, bitter or revengeful. I wish others could be that way. So what I'm the second woman he has asked to marry him and it didn't happen. This situation was for me to open my eyes to a lot that God needed me to see and know. One thing I know without a doubt is that I can love a man unconditional, I can forgive intentional hurt. I don't have to give up me to be any man's wife. Any changes God wants me to make, He will set the situation for the changes.
In this instance, God want me to learn about true forgiveness. I have had a lot of people I needed to forgive after this romance ended. But at the same time I had to seek forgiveness from some people, mainly my daughters. I harbor no ill feelings or ill will against him. I pray others will/would do the same. Life has so much to offer, why waste it in the negative. Allow the man to work in his profession, stop the black balling. Stuff happens in life then you move on, I did.
Another thing I learned was to do self-evaluation. Make sure I'm right before I try to help someone. I have to honest about my flaws and my bonuses. I've taken the time to know me. Do I still believe he was meant for me, yes. But I also believe we allowed too much outside influence affect what could have been. It's nothing I will dwell on, no need. My life is good, I'm okay.
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