Pre-Op Day

Today was my pre-op day. I thought all I had to do was give a blood sample, urine sample and take an EKG. Simple enough, huh? Well, things did start off simple, until I arrived at the hospital. The fire alarm went off as soon as I walked into the building.  The funny thing, no one evacuated the building except me. So I re-entered, asked the security guard if it was a real alarm or just a drill. He didn't know. Okay, I proceed to the Admissions desk.

The admission process was easy, took only 15 minutes. Next stop, pre-admission testing, which took two and half hours. So glad I wore a strapless sundress, easy to undress. Here, I had to get a chest X-ray and talk to the surgical nurse. She said she had just had a hysterectomy three weeks ago, but by the use of the robot.

She began asking the standard medical questions. Then she explained in detail the procedure. But it was when I had to sign off on the possible complications, and saw the lab results, tears welled up in my eyes. I told myself to stop. So what it said abnormal results.

After my hospital visit, I headed to the surgeon's office for more testing. After paying my coinsurance bill, giving three tubes of blood and an EKG, I walked out into the parking lot and started crying.

I was crying more about the unknown, then the actual surgery. Everyone woman I know that's has had a hysterectomy has said it's the best thing they could have done. I pray and hope I feel the same way and there's no cancer.

Saturday I start the pre-surgery procedures. Let's just say, I'll be hanging very close to my house. I'm going to lose some serious weight. Anything over 5 lbs is serious for me.

Things I Will Be Able To Do Again

I wasn't too happy about getting a hysterectomy, until I started thinking about all the things I will be able to do again. Since those fibroids started invading my body, I was having difficulties doing simple things. One of the first things I realized, I would be able to bend over without being in pain or becoming nauseated.

I won't have to spread my legs apart to bend over and tie my shoes or put them on.

I will be able to give myself a really good pedicure.

I can wear waist fitting clothing again without being in pain, especially my jeans.

I will be able to comfortably sit in a chair.

I will be able to sleep on my stomach again.

I won't have severe mensual cramps anymore.

Though I only had heavy bleeding one day, I won't be confined to the house on that day.

I won't have to share my feminine equipment with my daughters anymore.

Since I won't need to buy feminine protection products anymore, more money going into my entertainment budget.

I get to skip the front part of the women's aisle in the store.

I'll have more space in my bathroom cabinet.

No more carrying my "just in case" pouch, which will give me more room in my purse.

No more vomiting for 24 hours when my cycle starts.

No more popping Aleve like it's candy to get rid of the cramps.

No more pain while I'm having sex. And I will be able to have sex all 52 weeks of the year.

Stupid Stuff People Say When They Hear Cancer

I know there isn't a cure but...

I know someone that went through the same thing and it didn't turnout to well for them....

Don't give up on life....

Why do you think God did this to you....

What sins are you committing.....

This is a private matter, why are you sharing....

Do you feel less than a woman....

Are you scared....

If I were you I wouldn't let them cut on me....

Do you have your life in order with God.... 

I know someone who they said had cancer but when the doctor cut her open, nothing was there, now she has a big ugly scar...

Too many people want to tell you a horror story, not enough people want to tell you a positive story....

I Met the Gynecological Oncologist Today

Today, July 10, I met the Gynecological Oncologist. Yes, I was nervous. I had a difficult time falling to sleep the night before because I didn't know what to expect. Will he tell me my biopsy came back positive for cancer or not. Will I really need a hysterectomy or not. If it is cancer, did we catch it time. If it's nothing, hallelujah, praise the Lord.

When I woke up this morning, I layed in the bed for an hour as the butterflies danced in my stomach. As I headed to my appointment, I called my Warrior King. I could tell he was upset because he wasn't able to make it in town. So we did the next best thing, he attended via the phone.

I walked into the office and there sat this bald black woman. Tears welled up in my eyes. She had a beautiful smile and cute earrings. My hands started shaking as I filled out the paperwork. I had to fight back my tears. I was determined not to cry.

As I was led to the doctor's office, I passed by a room where some of the patients were receiving chemo. I had to fight the tears again. Would I be one of those patients?

Dr. Munoz walked in the office and said hi Linda. If you know anything about me, you know I don't like being called by the incorrect name. Something from a childhood stay in the hospital. I quickly corrected him. Asked if he mind if Louis listened in via speaker phone. He said not a problem.

Dr. Munoz explained what was going on with those fibroids and he gave his professional opinion, I doubt if it's cancer. But to be on the safe side, your age being a factor and your family history, you will need a hysterectomy. The biospy came back beign, thanks God.

He asked if I had any questions, I said no. I already researched you, my daughter in college has probably researched you because she researches everything and my oldest sister researched the robotic method. He said impressive, that's what you're suppose to do. He said I was in good physical health and because I am a runner, I would have no problems recovering. That's what I needed to hear.

The only bad thing, since the largest fibroid covers my entire abdomen area, I will not be able to have the bikini incision. So it looks like I will be getting my first tattoo to make a design out of the incision. I plan on wearing my bikinis in Maui regardless.

I walked out that office as happy as can be. Thanking God for sending the right people to pray for me and encourage me. My younger sister had sent me a text that said I'm there holding your hand virtually. I needed that text. Now to wait for my surgery. And today is the best day of my life.

The Best Day of My Life

I started posting about today being the best day of my life after my doctor had me take a blood test for cancer. I wanted to make sure that if today was going to be my last day alive, it would be my best day. So every day and every day forward, rainy and stormy or pleasant and sunshiny days, it will be my best day.

I got a diagnosis of ovarian cancer or the possibility that I will be developing it soon. Not what I wanted to hear, but my reality. And the ironic thing about this, several months prior to getting the ultrasound that set things in motion, I wrote a nonpublished piece called "When You Wake Up I Will Be Gone". I wrote it after I read an article about a fellow runner that was hit by a car while running her normal route. After her death and funeral, her best friend wrote an article about what she thought her friend might have said. So I wrote one of what I wanted my family and friends to know about how felt about my life. Morbid, but true to life now.

Hopefully, we have caught it soon, but if not, I will be in the fight for my life. I have a great support system, my sisters, my daughters, my best friend, my guy, my running buddies, other family members, my real friends and several of my coworker/friends. Like my sister said we may not being claiming it and will pray against it, but it just may be and we cannot be in denial.

Please don't be offend if I don’t answer my phone or return text messages right away. Right now I need to focus on what's important to me and to truly be selfish with my life. I have so much to live for and accomplish. I still have 48 states that I need to run a half marathon in. I have two beautiful daughters, one that is about to get married and the other is about to graduate from college. Then there's the grands, we are having too much fun together. Plus, some guy hasn't been fortunate enough to find favor from God through me.

And those people that have been ignoring my phone calls, emails and text messages, please don't start responding now. It is what it is. I have to focus on the people I mean something too, not the fair weather people. God has really matured me in this area. I mean when you hear cancer you immediately think damn I'm dying, I'm not invincible. Then you snap out of it, and look forward to the meaningful people and things in life. Well, I'm speaking for myself.

One of my coworker/friends told me that I need to open up more and allow people to know when I'm not at my best. Stop being the strong rock and allow the people that love you and care about you to be your rock.

Oh, and I have a warrior in my corner. He might not be there and present physically every day, but when he shows up in town or calls me, I can feel the protection.

Yes, I wake up every morning now with tears in my eyes and ask why, then I read my devotional, Bible verse, thank God and start my day. I go to bed with tears in my eyes and say this is really happening and thank God and go to sleep. Sometimes I cry throughout the day. I may cry through this entire journey or I may not, but right now I am.

This is not the journey I wanted at age 51-1/2, but it is. So me being me will make the best of it, which means for now on, today will be my best day.