Miscommunication

There was a bit of miscommunication between me and my Muse which lead to a somewhat heated phone conversation today. He wouldn’t allow me to say a word until he had his say. I have to admit assumptions on my part have led to this entire blow up.

How two people that have always had open communication suddenly don’t, is the responsibility of both parties. He kept asking me what was wrong and I kept saying nothing. I had some personal things going on in my life and went into quiet mode. This broke an agreement we had, we don’t have to say what’s wrong, just ask the other to pray.

By the end of our conversation, he had regained his position as my Muse. I realized I have a great friend in him, he just wants me to be happy, even at the risk of his feelings being hurt. And since I hurt his feelings by something I wrote, the published and the one that shall remain unpublished, it’s up to me to make amends. He said there’s no need to make amends, but if I were on the receiving end, I would want him to make amends. So if I want it, he deserves it.

My Writer Friend

I have a friend that writes. I can't define her writing in a box because she has the talented ability to cover all areas. To understand you would have to spend time on her blog. There are several books within her waiting to jump out. As gifted as she is, the books will always be on time no matter when she publishes them. We have never met face-to-face, nor spoken on the phone, but yet I call her my sister/friend. She is the reason my blog was developed. She has always provided advice and discipline, what any true friend would do. I'm amazed at her ability to take a single word, thought or situation and turn it into a work of art. Whenever I need something, I go to her blog and without doubt I will find what I need at the moment, and more. My bonuses are the private emails she sends me. I thank my friend for taking the time and interest in what I have to say through my blog. So when you have the time, check out her blog http://serensojo71.blogspot.com. Grab your laptop, your favorite beverage, your favorite throw cover, find a comfortable position and explore the world through A Serendipitous Sojourn...where you're guaranteed to find that which you didn't realize you were seeking.

That is A Pregnancy: Weeks 1-5

That's what one of my coworkers said when she saw my marathon training schedule. Thirty weeks of training and two weeks of recovery, like a pregnancy, but not the full 40 weeks and 6-8 weeks of recovery. You have to get the proper rest, the right amount of exercise and the correct diet. In the end, I will be giving birth to a marathon, 26.2 miles, 26 miles and 385 feet.

Weeks 1-4 (May 13 - June 9) were completed during my training for the Omaha Marathon. I have since miscarried that idea and conceived the Dallas Marathon to be held in December. I'll have more people to training with and a better support system. When you have your first child, it's important to have a strong, supportive group of family and friends. No pregnancy can survive without the added support of family and friends. I realized that after the Wounded Warrior 10K on June 9.

Week 5 (June 10 - 16), I'm about to head to the gym when I log off. I'm determined not to waste my FWA Mondays laying in the bed, finding excuses not to go to the gym. Not anymore, I'm determined, today that is, to do the right thing, get my butt out of the bed. Training will also affect my social life, I can't hangout late on Fridays when I have to get up and run at 6:30 am on Saturdays.

This week ended with the Nappiology, Inc. Frofest 5K. It was a fun event. Lots of natural hair women walking and running for fun and health, sprinkled with a couple of men and some kids. I was making good time until I decided to stop and start walking with one of my BGR sisters. She looked like she needed the company and I really wanted the company. I had intended to run the additional 3 miles to makeup for the 6 miles I was required to run, but didn't. I'll just swap my weeks around and run 6 miles next Saturday.

My Muse is Gone

The thing about text messages vs verbal conversations, things get jumbled in translation. Which is what has happened between me and my Muse. His preferred method of communication, is not mine. He may have meant something different from what he texted, it came across to me another way. One text lead to another, and another, and so on. Before the night was over, we were both angry and no longer texting each other. He blames me, I blame him. 

So if someone has placed you in a position to break a promise you made to them, are you still obligated to keep that promise?

My Journey Away from God and Back

I had no intentions of walking away from God, but I did. When I really sit back and think about it, I actually began my journey away with the end of my marriage. The nightmare marriage affected my prayer life, I spent so much time crying at night, I stopped praying before going to bed. Then I was upset because I was still hurting in the morning, I stopped praying when I woke up. My big journey away started with the death of my Dad. I was so angry and hurt, but thankful my Dad's pain and suffering was over. I had all kinds of emotions going on. I refused any counseling because I knew I was pissed off, didn't need anyone telling me something I already knew.

First, I started being late for my ministry duties. Then I was late or skipping our meetings. When I did attend, I impatiently waited for them to end. Finally, I decided to step down. Our ministry leader, Mrs. Opera Brown said honey go get healed and come back, take all the time you need. With those words, I left Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship.

So from 2004 to present, I jumped around visiting different churches trying to find my missing part. I joined two different churches during this time, Friendship West and the Potter's House. I never felt like I belong to either church, I couldn't get myself to commit to a ministry or regular attendance. Whatever was missing in me, I wasn't finding it in those churches. I even tried the club scene, I still didn't belong. The drinking heavy scene didn't work for me either. I soon realized that no matter how far I strayed from God, His grip on me never loosened, no matter what I tried.

In August 2011, God orchestrated me getting introduced to running. I fell in love with running, it gave me true peace. During my first half marathon, April 2012, I ran right back into the arms of the Lord. The more I ran, the more I connected with Him.

My mother, my spiritual mom and my best friend Jo, never judged me or condemned me during this journey. They loved me unconditionally. Shared their wisdom and slipped in advice every now and then. I'm not sure what made Jo start opening our Sunday conversations with "did you go see Jesus today", but I'm truly thankful. I got so tired of her say it, I made a commit to myself that I would start back attending church regularly with OCBF during their Solemn Assembly. Solemn Assembly is a time of fasting and praying the first full week of the new year. My fasting goal was to find something I would really miss, so I picked Facebook. I also committed to reading a daily devotion in the morning and studying my Bible as much as possible. I also asked God to give me peace at church again.

I attended the Solemn Assembly services and I kept coming back every Sunday. I felt at home, like I never left. The only time I have missed church have been to attend church with my daughter, running events, vacation or illness. Only once I've missed because I wanted to, and I felt like I missed a whole day of life.

One Sunday, the message came out of Psalm 23. The verses spoke to me, He spoke to me:
I AM your Shepherd; you shall not want. I WILL maketh you to lie down in green pastures: I WILL leadeth you beside the still waters. I WILL restoreth your soul: I WILL leadeth you in the paths of righteousness for MY name's sake. Yea, though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you will fear no evil: for I AM with you; MY rod and MY staff they comfort you. I WILL preparest a table before you in the presence of your enemies: I WILL anointest your head with oil; your cup will runneth over. Surely I WILL cause goodness and mercy to follow you all the days of your life: and you will dwell in the MY house for ever.

I'm back at OCBF, where I belong. I haven't renewed my membership, but I plan on it. I even attended church one Sunday after a running event. I arrived just in time for the sermon. I will always love my mother, Delsine Hearst, for introducing me to God. My Aunt Christine Harrison, for never failing to show the Jesus in her. My spiritual mom, Betty Evans, for sharing her wisdom and giving me discipline. My best friend, Jo Jay, for making sure I got up every Sunday morning to attend church. And my coworker, Evangelist Louise Turner, for her subtle, but direct guidance. Through these ladies, I remain His no matter what. I may at times get it wrong, but I'm still His.